I just read an article about millennials that explains a LOT about the current state of things. Apparently, they no longer have any use for marriage, top sheets, napkins, wine with a cork, breakfast cereal, handshakes, setting the table, getting "dressed up" (for work, a date, etc,), and on it goes. I thought the current "adulting" jokes were just that -- jokes. I guess the joke was on me! It turns out that the previous generation did a pretty lousy job of preparing these young people for living independently in civilization. I'm not putting all the blame on their parents, some of it falls on their grandparents and great-grandparents. I can now see how our 1970's Hippie-dippie relaxation of the rules has swung so far from being less uptight to being totally clueless. I'm still in favor of streamlining and lessening some of the rigid ideas of the past that really never did serve a purpose, BUT. . . . Manners and civility are the backbones of what allows people to live in civilized societies. It's no wonder that violence and selfishness, impatience and so many other bad behaviors are running rampant. These kids don't have a clue. Sadly, they can't even pull themselves out of this pit because they don't have any idea of what to do instead. I recently heard that "Duchess School" is becoming "a thing". In my day, it was called "Charm School" and was used to refine the manners we learned at home. Now, the manners were never taught at home, so they are off to pay to learn basic manners and life-skills. I'm shaking my head in disbelief and sadness. We need to work on this before it's too late. I'm not just being a pathetic old lady with a longing for the good old days. The continuing of our society depends on people being able to work with and be kind to one another.

We don't openly talk about sex very often, but this is too important to skip. Read it and apply it to wherever you are in your life. "10 Myths About Sex You Heard In Church" http://www.biblestudytools.com/slideshows/10-myths-about-sex-you-heard-in-church.html/?utm_source=bible+study+tools+weekly+-+biblestudytools.com&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=09/13/2017

I'm going to give you some seemingly silly advice. YOU should have "recess". Growing research indicates that a lot of "learning challenges" (ADHD/ADD, behavior problems, test scores, the ability to focus, and more) are being positively impacted by schools that have reintroduced "recess". You will be MUCH more effective at everything you do if you have some play-time, you'll find that your quality of life improves as well. Some people call this taking care of yourself. Not only should you take care of yourself, but I challenge you to go a step further and take care of your "mate" as well. (Some of you are too young to have one yet, but someday you will, and you should start learning about this now.) For those of you with a life-partner, spouse, fiance, etc., I encourage you to have a night for each of you to recharge yourselves, and a night to recharge your relationship. If you're having a difficult time with the math, that means that three nights of every week are scheduled. One night you get to take care of yourself and your mate takes care of the kids, one night you take care of the kids and your love takes care of him/her-self, and one night you spend together taking care of your relationship. You can't get very far if your tank is empty, so keep filling it up. While I'm preaching, I like to add that it's also important to worship together and as a family.

Let Others Go First. There’s an old adage, “Ladies First.” While this was once considered good manners, I challenge you to let anyone you come in contact with to go first. If you can let another person go first without awkwardness, then do it. Whether you are walking, standing in line, driving, reaching a door, an aisle at the movies or any other situation. Good manners are always appropriate!

The old saying “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything” is wise and should be followed in most social situations. If you keep your snarky thoughts to yourself, you won’t have to apologize for them later. You will be grateful when you are calmer that you didn’t say most of the unkind things you thought. Kindness begets kindness. Be the one who starts the avalanche of kindness. It is also true that you should think before you speak. Most of the hurt feelings in the world could be avoided if each of us thought before we opened our mouths and let let words flow out without being filtered first.

More on Manners… Using your manners and being polite is not something quaint for a past time. It is being respectful of every person you have contact with. Chivalry is not dead, it’s just badly wounded. Do not make it worse. There is always a “pecking order” or “alpha dog”. This was never intended to subjugate anyone, it lessened chaos and created order. When people look at Chivalry and Etiquette and want to abolish them, it is certain they don’t understand them. Chivalry doesn’t just apply to male/female relationships. Man/Woman, Adult/Child, Firm/Infirm, the “stronger” one looks out for “weaker”. If you start applying manners to all interactions with others, you will be thought of as a kind and generous person. Be a Gentleman/Lady! “No one ever taught me” is NOT an excuse. If you can read (and you wouldn’t be reading this is you couldn’t) then you can research manners and learn them. Manners help make those around you more comfortable. PLEASE, respect others -- 'be polite' & 'use your manners'.

Be a Helper.You don’t have to be a Boy Scout to help out your fellow citizen. Kindness cannot be overused. Any opportunity you have to be helpful or kind, slather it on lavishly!

Eat Politely. Whether you brought your lunch or you’re eating out with friends, everyone appreciates good table manners. Practice what your parents (should have) taught you. Keep your elbows off the table, don’t talk with your mouth full, and avoid reaching across people to grab the salt shaker. Formal dinners have more etiquette rules, so if you’ll be going to one of those, take a little time to brush up on what’s expected.

Be Friendly and Polite. If you step outside your house during the day, you’re likely to encounter people, so try to be friendly. Even on miserable days when everything seems to be going wrong, forcing a smile has the potential to lift the mood of not only the person you’re looking at but yours as well. Offer a greeting, and you might even see an extra ray of sunshine. Certain words carry a tremendous amount of power when you care enough to be polite and civil to others. Add “please,” “thank you,” “you’re welcome,” and “excuse me” to your vocabulary, and you may find others responding with reciprocated kindness.

Toddlers are explorers, and scientists, and learners, but make no mistake they are also tyrants. Their days are spent testing to learn the boundaries of EVERYthing. How far up a ladder can they crawl before they fall? How many socks can fit on one foot? How many times can we ask mama the same question before she gives in? How many marshmallows can a child eat before getting sick? How far off of the bed can they hang without landing on the floor? Much of this is endearing and precocious, some is not. Children begin testing limits from the moment they are born. Sometimes we must intervene quickly for their own safety. We'd never let them run into the street without "stop, look & listen". We wouldn't let them stick their hand on a hot stove. Just as we must be vigilant about these obvious safety issues, we must treat their social behaviors and manners in the same way. Your life (and theirs) will be SO much easier if you set the boundaries when they are babies and maintain them. If you give in after many requests, they will continually test to see how far they can push you. If the boundaries keep changing, they must keep testing. Give them a small crack and they will exploit it. Let your yes, be yes and your no, be no. Loving and responsible parents don't need a lot of rules, but any that they set, they maintain. Sometimes it seems harder for the parent to stand their ground than for the child to be denied. Children who know where the limits are, are happier and more content. It sometimes seems counterintuitive, but it's absolutely true. Parents who say yes from a misguided fear that their children won't love them if they aren't "fun" are very much mistaken. Children will go out of their way to try to force a parent into setting a boundary. Love your child. Prove it by setting limits and sticking to them!

I AM JESUS' LITTLE LAMB, Ever glad at heart I am; For my Shepherd gently guides me, Knows my need, and well provides me, Loves me ev'ry day the same, Even calls me by my name. Day by day, at home, away, Jesus is my staff and stay. When I hunger, Jesus feeds me, Into pleasant pastures leads me; When I thirst, He bids me go Where the quiet waters flow. Who so happy as I am, Even now the Shepherd's lamb? And when my short life is ended, By His angel host attended, He shall fold me to His breast, There within His arms to rest. -- Henriette Louise von Hayn (1778)

I have talked about singing children to sleep (or nearly so) many times. Here are the words to some of my favorites: JESUS, TENDER SHEPHERD, Hear Me; Bless Thy little lamb tonight; Through the darkness be Thou near me; Watch my sleep till morning light. All this day thy hand has led me, And I thank Thee for Thy care; Thou hast clothed me, warmed and fed me, Listen to my evening prayer. Let my sins be all forgiven; Bless the friends I love so well; Take me, when I die, to Heaven, Happy there with Thee to dwell.

I've got a bee (or perhaps an entire hive) in my bonnet this morning. I'm hopeful/praying that one day all of this will be irrelevant, but for now, it needs a comment or two. There are currently some nonsense issues swirling around. The sooner we learn to ignore these sorts of silliness, the better our world will be! 1) Red cups at Starbucks Coffee versus Holiday Cups/Christmas Cups. In the first place, in the five previous years, the cups showed "winter" scenes on a red background. Hardly taking Christmas out of coffee. Instead of complaining, find some positive use for your energy. Enough said. 2) "_____ Lives Matter". In raising children, the best way to get the outcome you want is to catch them doing the behavior you want them to learn/do. This also applies to training dogs, leading a group of people, and I'm sure has many other applications as well. The bottom line of this Flurry of Fury is that people are feeling as if they not only don't matter, but that they are being used or misused by others. If we all treat everyone we encounter as Christ commanded "Love each other as I have loved you", everyone would know that they mattered. 3) Elf on the shelf -- I agree with the people who oppose him as good behavior being tied to getting stuff. On the other hand, I'm always up for a bit of whimsy! Especially if that whimsy is tied to faith. If I had "littles" in the house, this is what I'd do. . . I'd start planning in January for the next year. For the season of Advent, the Elf would appear in a different silly vignette each day along with a Bible verse that either tied into the theme of the day or pointed in the direction of Christmas. On Sundays, he'd be with the Advent Wreath. On Saint Nicolas' Day, he'd be in a shoe. On Saint Lucia's Day, he'd be with her crown. Each day would also include an activity -- either one for the season, or a blessing for others. Here are some examples: Samaritan's Purse Shoe Boxes, Decorating the House for the Holidays, Care Packs for Homeless, Making decorations for the Christmas Tree, Feed my Starving Children, Baking Christmas Cookies, Mitten Tree, . . . Are you starting to get the idea? I would in NO way tie him to behavior or greed. On a sort of side topic -- I think the Elf might/should have some interaction with the family tradition of setting the Creche up on the first day of Advent with the Wise Men in the farthest eastern corner of the house. Once or twice, the Elf should/could interact with the Creche scene or the Wise Men on their way. Here's the big take-away from all of this: When there is a controversy swirling near you, instead of joining in, find a way to be helpful to others instead. Always remember, that YOU might be the only example of a Christian that another person might see. Be a good one!

Here are a few bits of interesting trivia about "manners" . . . http://www.primermagazine.com/2011/learn/the-history-behind-gentlemanly-action

A good day is a good thing. A bad day is a good story. In the end, it's all good!

"O Lord, Thou knowest how busy I must be this day. If I forget Thee, do not forget me." -- Jacob Astley, 1st Baron Astley of Reading (1579 – February 1652)

Beware of the person doing wrong who tries to justify their behavior by dragging others into it. Wrong is wrong is wrong. And even more importantly, do NOT be this person.

But now thus says the Lord, He who created you, O Jacob, He who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you, when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you." Isaiah 43:1-2 (ESV)

I heard a story about a young girl who was being annoyed by a boy in her class who kept snapping her bra. She asked him to stop many times, then went to the (male) teacher, who told her to just ignore him. When he continued to the point where it undid her bra, she “popped” him, which gave him a bloody nose. What’s wrong and what’s right in this story? If you said she shouldn’t have hit him, I’ve failed you. What’s wrong with this story is that the boy’s parents hadn’t taught him about personal boundaries and being respectful of others. What’s wrong with this story is the teacher who didn’t stop the boy, and both disrespected and dismissed the girl. What’s wrong with this story is that the Headmaster of the school wanted to punish the girl for hitting the boy, but not punish the boy for the behavior that required her to hit him to make him stop. Just to be clear, I’m not advocating hitting. But I am encouraging self-respect and self-protection. We all need to be both respectful of others and ourselves. Here's the link to the story: http://www.hrtwarming.com/this-girl-did-this-after-the-boy-at-school-twanged-her-bra-what-followed-is-gold/#

Be alert! When you see an elder or a person with something in their hand, open the door and allow them to go first. Also, keep an eye out for those people coming behind you, hold the door until the person behind can grab it so it doesn’t hit them in the face. At the elevator, let those on the elevator to exit before you enter and hold the doors for others before you board. Same with buildings or rooms - if someone is exiting the building or room through the same door you are entering, let them exit first. Whoever arrives at a door first holds it for the next person. It doesn't matter the gender of either. When someone holds a door for you, remember to say "thank you."

Whether you are eating at someone's home or as the guest of someone in a restaurant, always thank the host and tell them how much you enjoyed it. Don’t just say thank you. Mention something specific that you enjoyed. If you didn’t care for it, remark about the presentation or a skill that was used in the creation. A bit of time, skill, or expense went into your meal, so be appreciative. Always say "thank you," when served something.

When you are invited somewhere for a meal, wait for the hostess (or host if there isn’t an hostess) to begin eating. Follow her lead for praying, toasting, beginning and ending the meal, etc. In REALLY polite situations, she will even nod to let you know who to talk to. If it is a “banquet” where there are more than one table of guests, it is appropriate to wait for your entire table to be seated and served.

When you are invited somewhere, an hostess gift is still proper. You don’t have to go mad, but a token of appreciation will not go amiss. The person who invited you, has honored you with the invitation, honor them in return. In addition, afterwards, send a thank you note to your host/hostess. Good manners never go out of style.

When you have been given a gift, it is still good manners to send a thank you note. Our tradition has always been that before you play with a new toy, the thank you must be sent. For children too young to write, drawing a picture is acceptable and helps to begin a good habit that will last a lifetime. Tying the ability to play with the new item to the writing of the thank you note, increases the likelihood of it getting written. There is an excitement when something is new, that encourages getting the note done. This habit will be of great use when great events begin to happen in life -- not just Christmas and birthdays, but Confirmation, Graduations, Showers, Weddings, Baby Showers and the like.

My great grandmother used to say, "Pretty is, as pretty does." And of course she was right. If you are acting ugly, you will be perceived as ugly. If your heart is beautiful, so will you be. This is a long way around the bush to say: The best way to feel beautiful is to do wonderful, beautiful things to others. Smile at the crabby woman at the grocery store. Pick up the piece of trash on the sidewalk, that you were about to step over. Read a book to a child. I think you get the idea. Step away from what ever it is that is causing you negatives, and spread some love and sunshine around. You'll be feeling beautiful in no time!

Every so often, take a risk. Step out of your comfort zone, and try something new. My mother used to counsel us to try something we’d never done before, and if we didn’t like it, we didn’t have to do it again, but we might find a new hobby, skill or interest. My Grampa Gust used to say you needed to choose something that “makes your liver quiver”. The more often the better. Also, crazy is good, insane isn’t.

Be sparing with ultimatums. Follow each through to its completion. It’s important to your integrity. Incomplete ultimatums result in no one paying attention when you state them. In other words, if you can’t do it, don’t say it. (no crying wolf)

If you find yourself frequently feeling short-tempered or overwhelmed, you have too many things on your plate. Back-up, refine your choices, eliminate either the offending item, or person and see if tranquility returns to your life. If it doesn’t, there’s more to be streamlined or eliminated. This is especially true during busy holiday seasons. There’s a good reason why God rested on the seventh day. You need time to rest too!

There’s an old joke: How do you eat an elephant? One bite at at time. Don’t let a daunting task overwhelm you. Pick a small part of it and dig in. One bite at a time, you can accomplish anything!

Embrace your age no matter what the calendar says. Right this minute you are the youngest you will ever be and oldest you have ever been. Every day is a blessing. Each new day is a new opportunity to try something you’ve never done before. Each wrinkle and gray hair celebrates your journey through life. Do your best to take care of the body you are traveling in, but “procedures” designed to make you look like you are much younger only highlight your insecurity. Project confidence in your age and celebrate all the “battle scars” (wrinkles, greys, sagging, etc.) you have earned!

“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version) This is one of my very favorite Bible verses. It is a great comfort in challenging situations. It is NOT intended to make our Heavenly Father into Santa Claus. His plan for you is not to give you candy, toys, cartoons and amusement parks. His plan is to nourish your soul as well as your body. His plan is to bring you home to Him one day. Eternity in heaven is your hope and future! When troubled, turn to this verse and remember that God holds you in the palm of His hand, and wants to spend eternity with you!