Pick your battles. Most of the things you fuss at your kids about don’t matter. If it doesn’t affect their physical safety, or the ‘rights’ of another person, it probably doesn’t need to be a rule. When it comes to “rules”, less is more! If you can’t or won’t enforce it EVERY time, don’t make it a rule. Kids need to know exactly where the boundaries are, and where they have to learn to be responsible for themselves. Remember, you are working yourself out of a job.

When you want to give your child a choice, let them choose between two items you selected. As in: “Would you like to wear the red shirt or the blue one?” NOT: “What would you like to wear today?” Too many choices are overwhelming. Either/or choices help train them to make responsible choices. If you do not narrow down the field, don’t be surprised if they choose ‘Eggs Benedict’ for breakfast, when you were hoping for cereal or toast. Once you offer a choice, you MUST honor it.

I know many parents like to see their precious babies with long hair. I’m not ‘anti’ long hair, but I am ‘pro’ do-it-yourself. Their hair should not be longer than they can wash and comb on their own. It helps build self-respect, self-reliance and gives them a feeling of self-worth. If the child is able to wash, comb and perform basic care, it can be long and you can help them do ‘fancy’ for special occasions, but they should be able to perform their own basic hygiene by the time they are 4 years old.

The best way to teach your child to be fiscally responsible is to give them an allowance that they not only earn, but which covers their ‘expenses’. As in: school lunch, sports fees, lessons, and activities, savings and tithe. As they grow it can include more items and more complex ideas. Dance lessons are paid at the start of each month, meaning that ¼th of it needs to be saved each week until the bill is due. Extra money needed or wanted can be earned by doing additional tasks. When your children want the new something-or-other, they can earn it by doing additional tasks like washing windows, ironing pillowcases, raking leaves, etc. The converse is also true: neglect your chores and your allowance suffers -- first items to be omitted are the most ‘discretionary’ -- like spending money. This is an opportune time to teach the value of ‘work’ and being a responsible citizen. Remember your primary goal as a parent is to work yourself out of a job.

Five years old is not too young to have a job, a chore, or a responsibility (call it what you like). If they are old enough to walk, they are old enough to pick up their own toys and participate in their “hygiene”. By the time they go to school, they should have more responsibility -- make their own bed, set the table for meals, take dishes to the counter or sink (however it works in your house), dust, sweep, etc. Chores that apply to ‘their own space’ are not ones they should be paid for in an allowance. Those should be part of teaching them to be responsible for themselves. A few chores should be reserved for contributing to being part of the family. Chores for an ‘allowance’ are additional.

When you feel crabby, and are tempted to snap at your children, pause and remember, "If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come! -- Matthew 18: 6, 7 This means, if you act harshly and cause nasty feelings inside your child, YOU are in the wrong. You can discipline without making your child ‘hate’ you. If your child EVER says that, stop and figure out how you should have used discipline rather than punishment. Then seek forgiveness from God and your child.

Another good axiom is that we would all be better off if we would give others a piece of our heart rather than a piece of our mind. While I try to follow this, there are times I’m tempted to make an exception. You will be tempted to. When I was little, my Mother called this “being the bigger person”. However you look at it, not only will others be blessed by your behaviour, but you will be blessed as well.

Pay it Forward! You can’t always repay a kindness exactly, but you can always be alert for opportunities to be kind. And the best way to to be altruistic is to take every chance you can, to be helpful without keeping score. There’s an old saying about keeping track of the good you do for others in the sand and of the good others to for you carved in stone. It’s a good philosophy.

Make a point of encouraging at least one person every single day. It can be as simple as a thank you, or a smile, but it very well may be the only caring thing that will happen to them that day. With a few basic human kindnesses, you could change a life and change the world.

Encourage rather than praise whenever you can. Encouragement is more difficult, because it requires you to pause a moment and interact with the other person. This applies to any person you are in contact with, but especially to interactions with children. When someone receives praise, they may come to feel they are entitled to it. When a person receives encouragement, they feel confident in what they have done, and then apply that confidence to their next endeavor.

Praise the positive! As much as possible, praise them. That does NOT mean to over-praise or be un-genuine. Praise the behaviors you want to see, and ignore the ones you don’t want to see. Children want your attention and will do anything to get it. This applies most especially to bad behavior. It also applies to relationships in general. Spouses, friends, co-workers, people who ride your bus, the woman with two small children struggling her way through the grocery store. Everyone you encounter can benefit from a little praise, or a compliment.

A misbehaving child can and should be ignored as much as possible. That is the root of ‘Time Out’. If the child is misbehaving to get attention, giving them attention (even negative attention) will perpetuate and strengthen the bad behavior. Unless there is a safety issue (theirs or someone else’s) ignore it. When they figure out that negative behavior doesn't work, they will try something else -- something that you can reward, praise, or encourage. And the opposite is also true...

Timeout is only effective if it is used properly -- one quiet minute for each year of age (must be consecutive) is just about perfect. It should be in a quiet area, just close enough to the rest of the family to make the child feel left out, and just far enough away that the rest of the family seems to be paying no attention to the timed-out child. Once the time has been served, the child may choose when to rejoin the family. Remember, you are teaching them to master their own emotions. Work yourself out of a job. Once they have self-control, a more complex response is called for (see the rule just above this one).

Discipline and punishment are NOT the same thing. Do the first one, not the second. I know, that way is so much harder, but do it anyway. The lesson is learned much better when the consequence is both tied to the crime and fits it. As in: If homework is forgotten at school, grounded for a month is much less effective than if you create some homework for the child that evening (once again the dictionary or the Bible are great sources for this.) If they have done something mean or disrespectful, a far more effective consequence is to do something nice for both the person they harmed and a stranger (perhaps filling boxes for Operation Christmas Child, volunteering at “Feed My Starving Children”, a Food Bank, or....).

You are NOT your child’s best friend. You are the parent. You set the rules and enforce them. Your primary job as a parent is to work yourself out of a job. When your children are grown (over 21 and out of your house) you can and should have a friendship with each of them. If you’ve done the previous rule with grace and love, this will come easily, if not, you must now do the extra work to correct this.

Your primary responsibility as a parent is to work yourself out of a job by mentoring your child into a well-adjusted, responsible adult. In other words, you teach, mentor, and guide them into being responsible and knowledgeable adults. If you aren’t doing this, you’re doing it wrong.

The Swedes say, “Friends double our joy and divide our grief”. Make and keep a few really dear friends. They will be ‘Moses’ hands’, and you will be Aaron or Hur to them as well. Also, make your family, your friends. That doesn’t apply to parenting (until your children are fully grown).

God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do. Martin Luther called this “Grace Alone” look it up -- you’ll love what you find!

When you feel the urge to judge another, remember that you will be judged by the same standard you apply to others. This does not mean that you are okay if you just don’t do the same ‘terrible’ thing, it means that your heart will be judged as well as your behavior.“For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” -- Matthew 7:2 and "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” -- Luke 6:37 (For the truly dense: the person taking office supplies home from work is as equally guilty as the bank robber. It’s just that one ‘sin’ is more obvious. Be careful where you throw stones!)

Before you judge another, seek to understand. (Walk a mile in their moccasins.) Everyone has challenges in their life. Never waste an opportunity to come along side of another and help them.

With a pencil and a library card you can go anywhere, do anything, and neither one is very costly.

Philippians 4:13 says “I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.” You can do ANY thing, but not EVERY thing at the same time.

If it is no longer useful to you, bless someone else with it. By the time your youngest child goes to school, you don’t need the baby bathtub anymore, but you probably know someone who does need it. If you outgrow it, change your preference, or have too many of an item, you can bless someone rather than let it moulder in a closet.

Don’t “hoard” the good stuff. Use the pretty table cloth. Burn the pretty candles. Work the Mixmaster into the ground. If something breaks, celebrate the pleasure it brought, and repair, replace or repurpose. (In that order!) If the cost of an item makes you avoid using it, it was NOT a wise purchase.

Living within your means does not mean you can’t have a wonderful life. The things that matter most aren’t things, cost no money, and their value is priceless.

AVOID credit cards, but if you must use one, pay it off every single month. Your credit will really suffer if you build up debt. Live within your means.

Start saving for retirement with your first paycheck. The power of compound interest is your friend. Never mind if you don’t quite understand it yet, when you figure it out, you’ll be SO glad you started when you did.

As my Grampa used to say, “And another thing,...” Your housing expense (rent or mortgage) should not exceed 25% (¼th) of your monthly income. Do not be swayed by fast talkers who say otherwise. If you spend more than that, you will be perpetually in a panic. Also, tithe, AND put at least 10% of your monthly income in savings. (So are you beginning to see a pattern here? 25% for housing, 10% into each tithe and savings, means you’ve already spent almost half of your monthly income and we haven’t even factored in food, utilities, insurance, and transportation.)

While we are talking about money stuff, before you start spending your raise, inheritance, or whatever money, make sure you have either a savings account or an envelope in your top dresser drawer (or where ever you want your secret stash to be) that equals or exceeds SIX months worth of living expenses. This lessens the panic when you suddenly have a car repair, child’s braces, new fridge, job loss or any of the other ‘surprises’ in life.

There is an old standard about what to do when you find yourself in a bad financial position: “If it ever comes down to either/or, make your car payment or repair before your mortgage, because you can live in your car, but you can’t drive your house to work.” That’s not bad advice if your circumstances change suddenly, but I'll take it a step farther... Don’t accrue debt in the first place. Don’t take on an expensive car (payment) because you think you deserve it, or want to impress someone else. Save your pennies if you must, but PAY for your car rather than have a car payment. There is nothing wrong with saving toward a goal. That’s the smart way to do it.

In honor of the new year, and all the resolutions you are tempted to make, here are some tips on goal setting.

Step 1: Sit down with pen and paper and do some dreaming. No kidding, this part is serious business. Let your mind wander a little and try to see the life you really want. REALLY see it. Do you want to go to college, buy your first house, or something else? In your mind, try to picture what living that dream would look like. Does your home have one or two stories? Is your car a sports car or a station wagon?

At this stage, you have a magic wand (you really do, it's called your "pen"). Anything is possible. No limitations (those will come later). Look at all facets of your life. If you had no limitations (pretend time, money and other things are no obstacle) what would your life look like? How involved would you be in your church? What hobbies would be part of your life? I love to China Paint and do all kinds of Needlework, as well as design Counted Cross-stitch patterns, so those would fit into this section of my plan. Sports or physical activities? Travel? What role would you play in the lives of your children or grandchildren? What kinds of things would you be doing with your friends?

This might take several sessions. You might want to, right now, schedule an hour a week into your calendar for this. Call it "GOAL SETTING" or something else that sounds serious and professional, and don't let anything stop you from keeping that appointment with yourself. Later, this time can turn into refining your plan or re-organizing. In the beginning, you might want to take an entire afternoon. Or, you might want to leave it out on the diningroom table, or somewhere else that you can "doodle" with it whenever you have a bit of free time.

For now, just get those thoughts on paper. Later you'll turn them into goals and action plans. You can call it, "The Road To Our Success", “Dreams Of My Future”, or something else that resonates with you. Create a "Goals & Dreams" book. Maybe in a loose-leaf binder, a pre-bound thing that's like a dozen sheet protector pages bound together, a photo album with those "magnetic" sheet pages, a journal-type book, or a scrapbook. Another good way to display your goals and dreams is with a bulletin board or one of those folding poster board things. Choose something that fits your personality, and works best for you. I started with little scraps of paper (post-its, index cards, and note-pad sheets) that I kept together in a little plastic sleeve. Now I have a photo-album with different kinds of sheets in it. Sheet protectors for full-sized sheets of paper, and those sheet protector kinds of pocket-pages for photos.

This is where you can get creative. If one of your goals is to have a new car, go on-line and find out all you can about it. Go to a car dealer and get their brochure on it. Take someone with you and have your picture taken test-driving it.
Really see those goals in as much detail as possible. Go to Michael's (the craft store) and get some scrapbooking stuff to accent it. Go to a travel agent and got some travel brochures. Some goals might have several pages, and will have more after you accomplish it and add some pictures of your success. Find articles about it.

Eventually your book will be a combination of achieved goals as well as ones you are working toward. It's a great reminder to have when you feel dismal. It's a great "pick-me-up" when the day has been full of frustration. I even have some of those original scraps of paper goals in mine. One is just a page from a small note book, on which I had written: "Achieve President's Club", and then scratched out "how". It says: Sell $10,000 (at that time) in cycle. 20 campaigns at $500 each. (I started part-way into the cycle). I have that sheet mounted on a piece of colored paper along with a picture of that Mrs. Albee statue that I cut out of the President's Club Recognition brochure from that year. And a photo-copy, cut out of the Recognition Statement from the campaign I earned it in. (I made it in 16 campaigns by-the-way.)

This book is not just to motivate you. It will help motivate your children to set and achieve goals of their own. Share it with your family, and encourage them to contribute ideas of things to work toward like a family vacation, a new car or that swing-set they’ve always wanted. One person I know, wanted to take her family to Mexico for her daughter’s 15th birthday (which is a big thing in that culture) to celebrate her heritage as her mother, grandmother, etc., had. She achieved her goal, they went, and now pictures of that event are in her book.

You can add all kinds of things to it. If you attend an event, save the invitation and have your picture taken there. Include any kind of incentive or event and as many things as you can think of that contribute to it. Tickets, fortunes from cookies, small calendar pages, swatches and paint chips. Cut pictures from magazines. The more things you include, the more real it becomes in your mind (which will help keep you motivated on those challenging days). Also include information and pictures when you achieve it.

Step 2: Start planning how you will turn those "dreams" into goals. Like my example above about achieving "PC". What will it take to achieve your goal? Then break that down into manageable sized pieces. One Rep I know, broke achieving PC down into not only what it took each campaign, but how much she needed to sell in a single day. Make your steps small enough to be achievable, but big enough to make you stretch a little. Make all of your goals "SMART". If you don't know what SMART goals are, there's lots of info on the internet about SMART Goals. Goals should be Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Ttimely.

Step 3 & 4: Start tracking yourself. Are you achieving above, below, or right on? What adjustments do you need to make? Adjust as you go along. Some things will work, some won't. Some will work for a while and then need freshening. Don't let your goals or your enthusiasm stagnate. If it no longer motivates you, change it so it does.

Step 5: Make sure you reward yourself along the way. I have short-term goals for each week as well as long term goals for the next several years. When I accomplish a step I reward myself. Sometimes it's only a SUBWAY sandwich, or a DAIRY QUEEN Sundae, some times it's a bigger item like a piece of jewelry. Always have something immediate you are working toward on the way to the big goals. This will help you stay motivated and enthusiastic. Share those achievements with people you care about, like friends and family. Let others know what you’ve achieved and encourage them to make their dreams a reality too.

Step 6: After you achieve a goal, give yourself a little time (ten minutes or so, only half-kidding) to wallow in your success and enjoy your reward. But don't end the day without a new goal. You need some reason to wake up in the morning and start in again.

I wish you great success!