Toddlers are explorers, and scientists, and learners, but make no mistake they are also tyrants. Their days are spent testing to learn the boundaries of EVERYthing. How far up a ladder can they crawl before they fall? How many socks can fit on one foot? How many times can we ask mama the same question before she gives in? How many marshmallows can a child eat before getting sick? How far off of the bed can they hang without landing on the floor? Much of this is endearing and precocious, some is not. Children begin testing limits from the moment they are born. Sometimes we must intervene quickly for their own safety. We'd never let them run into the street without "stop, look & listen". We wouldn't let them stick their hand on a hot stove. Just as we must be vigilant about these obvious safety issues, we must treat their social behaviors and manners in the same way. Your life (and theirs) will be SO much easier if you set the boundaries when they are babies and maintain them. If you give in after many requests, they will continually test to see how far they can push you. If the boundaries keep changing, they must keep testing. Give them a small crack and they will exploit it. Let your yes, be yes and your no, be no. Loving and responsible parents don't need a lot of rules, but any that they set, they maintain. Sometimes it seems harder for the parent to stand their ground than for the child to be denied. Children who know where the limits are, are happier and more content. It sometimes seems counterintuitive, but it's absolutely true. Parents who say yes from a misguided fear that their children won't love them if they aren't "fun" are very much mistaken. Children will go out of their way to try to force a parent into setting a boundary. Love your child. Prove it by setting limits and sticking to them!

I AM JESUS' LITTLE LAMB, Ever glad at heart I am; For my Shepherd gently guides me, Knows my need, and well provides me, Loves me ev'ry day the same, Even calls me by my name. Day by day, at home, away, Jesus is my staff and stay. When I hunger, Jesus feeds me, Into pleasant pastures leads me; When I thirst, He bids me go Where the quiet waters flow. Who so happy as I am, Even now the Shepherd's lamb? And when my short life is ended, By His angel host attended, He shall fold me to His breast, There within His arms to rest. -- Henriette Louise von Hayn (1778)

I have talked about singing children to sleep (or nearly so) many times. Here are the words to some of my favorites: JESUS, TENDER SHEPHERD, Hear Me; Bless Thy little lamb tonight; Through the darkness be Thou near me; Watch my sleep till morning light. All this day thy hand has led me, And I thank Thee for Thy care; Thou hast clothed me, warmed and fed me, Listen to my evening prayer. Let my sins be all forgiven; Bless the friends I love so well; Take me, when I die, to Heaven, Happy there with Thee to dwell.

I've got a bee (or perhaps an entire hive) in my bonnet this morning. I'm hopeful/praying that one day all of this will be irrelevant, but for now, it needs a comment or two. There are currently some nonsense issues swirling around. The sooner we learn to ignore these sorts of silliness, the better our world will be! 1) Red cups at Starbucks Coffee versus Holiday Cups/Christmas Cups. In the first place, in the five previous years, the cups showed "winter" scenes on a red background. Hardly taking Christmas out of coffee. Instead of complaining, find some positive use for your energy. Enough said. 2) "_____ Lives Matter". In raising children, the best way to get the outcome you want is to catch them doing the behavior you want them to learn/do. This also applies to training dogs, leading a group of people, and I'm sure has many other applications as well. The bottom line of this Flurry of Fury is that people are feeling as if they not only don't matter, but that they are being used or misused by others. If we all treat everyone we encounter as Christ commanded "Love each other as I have loved you", everyone would know that they mattered. 3) Elf on the shelf -- I agree with the people who oppose him as good behavior being tied to getting stuff. On the other hand, I'm always up for a bit of whimsy! Especially if that whimsy is tied to faith. If I had "littles" in the house, this is what I'd do. . . I'd start planning in January for the next year. For the season of Advent, the Elf would appear in a different silly vignette each day along with a Bible verse that either tied into the theme of the day or pointed in the direction of Christmas. On Sundays, he'd be with the Advent Wreath. On Saint Nicolas' Day, he'd be in a shoe. On Saint Lucia's Day, he'd be with her crown. Each day would also include an activity -- either one for the season, or a blessing for others. Here are some examples: Samaritan's Purse Shoe Boxes, Decorating the House for the Holidays, Care Packs for Homeless, Making decorations for the Christmas Tree, Feed my Starving Children, Baking Christmas Cookies, Mitten Tree, . . . Are you starting to get the idea? I would in NO way tie him to behavior or greed. On a sort of side topic -- I think the Elf might/should have some interaction with the family tradition of setting the Creche up on the first day of Advent with the Wise Men in the farthest eastern corner of the house. Once or twice, the Elf should/could interact with the Creche scene or the Wise Men on their way. Here's the big take-away from all of this: When there is a controversy swirling near you, instead of joining in, find a way to be helpful to others instead. Always remember, that YOU might be the only example of a Christian that another person might see. Be a good one!

Here are a few bits of interesting trivia about "manners" . . . http://www.primermagazine.com/2011/learn/the-history-behind-gentlemanly-action

A good day is a good thing. A bad day is a good story. In the end, it's all good!

"O Lord, Thou knowest how busy I must be this day. If I forget Thee, do not forget me." -- Jacob Astley, 1st Baron Astley of Reading (1579 – February 1652)

Beware of the person doing wrong who tries to justify their behavior by dragging others into it. Wrong is wrong is wrong. And even more importantly, do NOT be this person.

But now thus says the Lord, He who created you, O Jacob, He who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you, when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you." Isaiah 43:1-2 (ESV)

I heard a story about a young girl who was being annoyed by a boy in her class who kept snapping her bra. She asked him to stop many times, then went to the (male) teacher, who told her to just ignore him. When he continued to the point where it undid her bra, she “popped” him, which gave him a bloody nose. What’s wrong and what’s right in this story? If you said she shouldn’t have hit him, I’ve failed you. What’s wrong with this story is that the boy’s parents hadn’t taught him about personal boundaries and being respectful of others. What’s wrong with this story is the teacher who didn’t stop the boy, and both disrespected and dismissed the girl. What’s wrong with this story is that the Headmaster of the school wanted to punish the girl for hitting the boy, but not punish the boy for the behavior that required her to hit him to make him stop. Just to be clear, I’m not advocating hitting. But I am encouraging self-respect and self-protection. We all need to be both respectful of others and ourselves. Here's the link to the story: http://www.hrtwarming.com/this-girl-did-this-after-the-boy-at-school-twanged-her-bra-what-followed-is-gold/#

Be alert! When you see an elder or a person with something in their hand, open the door and allow them to go first. Also, keep an eye out for those people coming behind you, hold the door until the person behind can grab it so it doesn’t hit them in the face. At the elevator, let those on the elevator to exit before you enter and hold the doors for others before you board. Same with buildings or rooms - if someone is exiting the building or room through the same door you are entering, let them exit first. Whoever arrives at a door first holds it for the next person. It doesn't matter the gender of either. When someone holds a door for you, remember to say "thank you."

Whether you are eating at someone's home or as the guest of someone in a restaurant, always thank the host and tell them how much you enjoyed it. Don’t just say thank you. Mention something specific that you enjoyed. If you didn’t care for it, remark about the presentation or a skill that was used in the creation. A bit of time, skill, or expense went into your meal, so be appreciative. Always say "thank you," when served something.

When you are invited somewhere for a meal, wait for the hostess (or host if there isn’t an hostess) to begin eating. Follow her lead for praying, toasting, beginning and ending the meal, etc. In REALLY polite situations, she will even nod to let you know who to talk to. If it is a “banquet” where there are more than one table of guests, it is appropriate to wait for your entire table to be seated and served.

When you are invited somewhere, an hostess gift is still proper. You don’t have to go mad, but a token of appreciation will not go amiss. The person who invited you, has honored you with the invitation, honor them in return. In addition, afterwards, send a thank you note to your host/hostess. Good manners never go out of style.

When you have been given a gift, it is still good manners to send a thank you note. Our tradition has always been that before you play with a new toy, the thank you must be sent. For children too young to write, drawing a picture is acceptable and helps to begin a good habit that will last a lifetime. Tying the ability to play with the new item to the writing of the thank you note, increases the likelihood of it getting written. There is an excitement when something is new, that encourages getting the note done. This habit will be of great use when great events begin to happen in life -- not just Christmas and birthdays, but Confirmation, Graduations, Showers, Weddings, Baby Showers and the like.

My great grandmother used to say, "Pretty is, as pretty does." And of course she was right. If you are acting ugly, you will be perceived as ugly. If your heart is beautiful, so will you be. This is a long way around the bush to say: The best way to feel beautiful is to do wonderful, beautiful things to others. Smile at the crabby woman at the grocery store. Pick up the piece of trash on the sidewalk, that you were about to step over. Read a book to a child. I think you get the idea. Step away from what ever it is that is causing you negatives, and spread some love and sunshine around. You'll be feeling beautiful in no time!

Every so often, take a risk. Step out of your comfort zone, and try something new. My mother used to counsel us to try something we’d never done before, and if we didn’t like it, we didn’t have to do it again, but we might find a new hobby, skill or interest. My Grampa Gust used to say you needed to choose something that “makes your liver quiver”. The more often the better. Also, crazy is good, insane isn’t.

Be sparing with ultimatums. Follow each through to its completion. It’s important to your integrity. Incomplete ultimatums result in no one paying attention when you state them. In other words, if you can’t do it, don’t say it. (no crying wolf)

If you find yourself frequently feeling short-tempered or overwhelmed, you have too many things on your plate. Back-up, refine your choices, eliminate either the offending item, or person and see if tranquility returns to your life. If it doesn’t, there’s more to be streamlined or eliminated. This is especially true during busy holiday seasons. There’s a good reason why God rested on the seventh day. You need time to rest too!

There’s an old joke: How do you eat an elephant? One bite at at time. Don’t let a daunting task overwhelm you. Pick a small part of it and dig in. One bite at a time, you can accomplish anything!

Embrace your age no matter what the calendar says. Right this minute you are the youngest you will ever be and oldest you have ever been. Every day is a blessing. Each new day is a new opportunity to try something you’ve never done before. Each wrinkle and gray hair celebrates your journey through life. Do your best to take care of the body you are traveling in, but “procedures” designed to make you look like you are much younger only highlight your insecurity. Project confidence in your age and celebrate all the “battle scars” (wrinkles, greys, sagging, etc.) you have earned!

“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version) This is one of my very favorite Bible verses. It is a great comfort in challenging situations. It is NOT intended to make our Heavenly Father into Santa Claus. His plan for you is not to give you candy, toys, cartoons and amusement parks. His plan is to nourish your soul as well as your body. His plan is to bring you home to Him one day. Eternity in heaven is your hope and future! When troubled, turn to this verse and remember that God holds you in the palm of His hand, and wants to spend eternity with you!

Every one makes some less than perfect choices. Own them, figure out how to avoid repeating, and move on. Dr.Phil says “You either make the right decision or you make the decision right.” As often as possible, learn from the mistakes of others rather than repeat them. If you must mess up, use it for reference in the future. (The first time you mis-step might be accidental, repetition usually isn’t.)

‘Forgive’ doesn’t mean ‘forget’. If they don’t belong in your life, don’t be lazy and let them stay. Kick ‘em out and move on.

Forgiveness is something you do for your own well-being. Don’t allow another to live in your thoughts ‘rent’-free’. Kick them out by forgiving them. “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times - seven times. -- Matthew 18: 21, 21

ChildLIKE is not the same as childISH. Always be the first word, never the second. An easy way to remember this is to remember the ends of both words: LIKE and ISH. “At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, "Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.” -- Matthew 18: 1 - 5

Be part of the solution rather than part of the problem. When you disagree, whether it is a person, a position, a law, a practice, or anything else, it is irresponsible and immature to stand on the sidelines and protest, shout, pout, cast aspersions, or denigrate. Any time you disagree, FIRST sit down and think it through. If you think about it for a bit, you will find that you can have a difference of opinion with less chance of harming that relationship, than if you go in “hot”. A mature and responsible person pauses to think before speaking, AND presents a solution or an alternative along with their opposition. Most “hot topics” would disappear if this was common practice. For example: if you are anti-abortion, work on ways that prevent the pregnancy in the first place, like cherishing yourself and your future spouse and practicing abstinence. It is 100% effective at preventing pregnancy and STD’s. Think of it and teach it in the positive; as a gift, rather than as a restriction or prohibition. Tend to the unwanted, uncherished, and mistreated people -- foster care, adoption, shelters, even anti-bullying. Talk is cheap. DO something. Work to make the thing you disagree with disappear. Returning to the example: the solution to abortion is not banning it, it’s making it irrelevant. If you can’t present a solution to a difference of opinion, keep your mouth shut until you can!

When you have a disagreement with someone, or feel the urge to pass judgement on another, refer to Matthew 18, AFTER you have spent time in prayer and God’s Word about it. "If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector. -- Matthew 18: 15 - 17.

What to do with the multitude of candy the kids have gathered while out Trick-or-Treating? This shouldn’t be a “problem”! Instead of teaching greed, don’t gather more than you need. Rather than going to every house for six blocks or more, set a limit on the number of houses to be visited. Around your block seems like plenty. If you feel a strong urge to bundle all the kids in the car to go a greater distance, take them to their grandparents house. Gramma & Grampa will be delighted to see the little ones, and so will their dear friends next door. Instead of throwing away candy, don’t gather it in the first place. This also teaches budgeting (how long do you want those twenty pieces to last?) It’s “green” because it doesn’t contribute to wasted candy in the landfill. It enhances community -- if the people in the neighborhood know how many kids to expect, they can budget correctly for the number of kids to expect to ring the doorbell. Trust me, kids get more enjoyment from being recognised by people they know (or by fooling them by not being spotted) than they do from strangers issuing a weak compliment. Being responsible is an every day, every situation, way of life. If we don’t model these behaviors for our children, we have no right to complain when they behave rudely. They do as they see their role models do.

Discipline: Consequences, Privileges & Redemption. Discipline is to train, not to punish. Use consequences to curb behaviors you’d like to see less of, and privileges to encourage the behaviors you’d like to see more of. Redemption is a wonderful way to model God’s grace, and to reward contrition and repentance. Consequences can be as simple as ‘timeout’, the temporary or permanent loss of an item or privilege, or an extra chore. Privileges can include all sorts of extras like getting to stay up later, have an outing, spend special time with a parent or other family member (like going to Gramma’s -- wink, wink) or a longed for item. Redemption is your response to contrition or repentance. Rather than assigning an extra chore, a better way is to have the child do something for another. It can be as simple as getting a glass of water for a sibling in a very young child, to mitzvah’s and servanthood in an older one.

Winning an argument causes a loss in another area. Keep in mind you are still paying for the argument -- just in another area. Winning should be considered a last resort. The goal is always to share information and seek agreement. If you can talk to each other calmly, lovingly, and respectfully, it won’t escalate into an argument in the first place. If you have a lot of arguments or disagreements with any other person, you are lazy and wrong, even if you win.