Winning an argument causes a loss in another area. Keep in mind you are still paying for the argument -- just in another area. Winning should be considered a last resort. The goal is always to share information and seek agreement. If you can talk to each other calmly, lovingly, and respectfully, it won’t escalate into an argument in the first place. If you have a lot of arguments or disagreements with any other person, you are lazy and wrong, even if you win.

Be responsible in all your encounters with others. In person as well as when using social media. If you don’t want your grandmother, pastor, or future employer to see it or know about it, don’t do it. By the same token, if it has to be a secret, you shouldn't be a part of it. There are many in the world who would like you to believe their deception about “privacy” or “secrecy”. Many people fall for these deceptions. To their horror they discover that their privacy has been compromised in some way. A credit card number copied and used without consent of the owner. A photo promised to disappear like magic, suddenly appears on the internet for the world to see. Classified Government documents are leaked. Private communications are revealed. The simple solution is: If you don’t want anyone to know, don’t do it.

Be appropriate. Crying in front of your child when your dog dies is appropriate. Screaming because you didn’t get the parking spot you wanted is not. Kissing your spouse in front of your child is appropriate, making-out is not. Current fashions can be worn without being an exhibitionist. By being appropriate at all times, you are a good example for your children and for all the people you will encounter throughout your day. This will also put others at ease in your presence, and it’s simply good manners!

Honesty IS the best policy. It contributes toward your integrity, and it doesn’t matter if your memory starts to go -- you don’t have to remember what lie you told, nor whom you told it to. This includes honesty in your emotions. Be genuine in every part of your life, including sadness and tears, as well as joy and singing (and in front of your children if you have them.)

Children should participate in church, family devotions, and prayers as soon as they can sit up. They won’t learn the how-to of a relationship with God if you don’t model it, anymore than they will learn proper table manners by sitting in the kitchen while you eat in the dining room. They should be included in faith activities from the moment of conception. If YOU are living a faith-filled life, they will come naturally into faith, and it will be an integral part of them, just as breathing or their hearts beating. If you haven't been living your life this way, start now.

Whatever is going on in your life, spend some time each day talking to God about it. It’s okay to have any emotion. His shoulders are broad. King David was angry with Him, yet God called him “beloved”. He’s more interested in the relationship, than whether the emotion is positive or negative. Martin Luther said that the more things he had to do in a day meant the more time he needed with God at the start of the day.

My great-grandmother said that the most healthful meals had the most colors on the plate. This is an easy way to have a well rounded diet. Even your three-year-old can participate in making healthful choices.

The advice ‘darker is better’ applies to many things, principally ingestibles -- dark chocolate, red wine, amber beer, dark brown sugar, deeply colored fruits and vegetables (beets, spinach, asparagus, blueberries, lingonberries, black currants, etc.). The health benefits escalate as the color deepens. Indulge and enjoy!

One or two ounces of dark chocolate every day is therapeutic -- be healthful.

All things in moderation -- wine, fats, carbs, eggs, whatever the current thing to avoid is -- neither too much nor too little is appropriate. There are no “bad foods”, just less than perfect choices. A little of this, a little of that, wide variety and moderation. This applies to more than just food. It’s a good way to keep balance in all areas of your life.

Get some exercise every day. Walking, biking and home care should be sufficient. If you’re watching a lot of TV, there are probably tasks that need to be done. On the other hand, if you’ve washed the kitchen floor, done a bunch of laundry, cut the grass, and… , you don’t need a gym membership. AND, you shouldn’t feel guilty about sitting down for a break and watching TV, reading a book, or whatever you like to do to take a break

Many cultures practice some sort of an afternoon break. In Mexico, it is “siesta”. In England it’s “Tea Time”. In northern European countries, it’s “Coffee Time”. Call it what ever you want to, but take a break in the afternoon. A little treat with your break will boost you up to make your afternoon more effective. One piece of cake, a couple of cookies, or some fruit is great. It’s not a full meal. -- And for that matter, you should also practice “Elevenses” (a morning break).

Until your children start buying their own clothing, YOU are responsible for what they wear. Rips, bad hems, buttons off, stains, out-grown... all of that is YOUR fault and responsibility. The first three you should have taken care of before the item made it to their room, and the last, you should have removed at the first sign of it being tight. You are also responsible for making ‘modest’ choices and for teaching them to do the same. It is more than possible to be stylish and modest. They won’t learn it if you don’t teach it. ALSO, you should practice it so they can learn by your example.

A few times a year, break one of your rules on purpose, with your children. When Kimberly was little, on the first ‘warm’ day (70 degrees) we walked around the lake and had ice cream for supper. The memories are sweet and vivid, and it’s a tradition she still practices. I didn’t worry about the calories, as we had gotten quite a bit of exercise on our walk. When good nutrition is part of every day, you don’t need to worry about an occasional wild moment. The few ‘special’ breaks’, build memories, and help teach them not to be too rigid in their life.

Every person at the table should eat one spoonful of each food at the meal. And no dessert unless the main meal is eaten completely. When they are little, you know approximately how much they are likely to eat, and as they grow and take over that decision, they are much less likely to waste food or overeat if you have been teaching good behaviors from the beginning. This does not mean STUFF them! It does mean be responsible in everything you do, even in your/their use of food.

Take every opportunity to teach your child a new word, skill, or craft. These are not only tremendous blessings for your little ones, but it builds memories and bonds that will help you get along with each other. When they are older, they will continue this practice. Okay, in case that wasn’t obvious enough, I’ll reframe it. If you (or anyone else) are alive, each day is an opportunity to learn something new. It helps keep you vibrant. Let no day be wasted. And another thing, this should include time in The Word - your spiritual life is important too!

Even though Philippians 4: 13 says, “I can do everything through him who gives me strength,” no one can do everything at once. Be aware of keeping balance in your life and in your family. If you’re feeling over-extended, or bored, it’s time to take a look at how you are allocating your time. This devotional, will bless you: http://www.thelife.com/dailydevotions/a-balancing-act then follow its advice: “Take out a piece of paper. At the top of it, write three columns, one labeled “emotional,” one labeled “physical,” and one labeled “spiritual.” Post it on your fridge and commit to doing one thing per day to refuel in these vital areas of self-care. However you choose to refuel, don’t miss out on the sweet moments of life your Father wants to bless you with today.”

Read to your child every day. As soon as you know you’re pregnant, (both parents) start reading aloud. It doesn’t matter so much WHAT you read in the early months. It does matter THAT you read. The brain of a child starts forming connections and patterns from the start. The more varied the vocabulary you introduce, the more varied the vocabulary they will be comfortable with. As they learn to read, let them read to you. Sharing the reading and then working yourself out of this ‘job’ will help them all through their lives. Also, read for your own pleasure in the presence of your children. They will make habits based on yours. Thirty minutes a day is not too much to spend for the rewards of this habit!

Research says that singing to your baby will cause synapses to form in their tiny brains that will give them an advantage not only in learning the language they are speaking and it’s grammar, but make it easier for them to learn other languages. Silly songs also help! They’re learning every minute! Also read poetry and Dr. Seuss books. The meter and rhyme are marvelous!

An hymn is the best lullaby. In addition to calming and comforting your child, the hymn will bring them great comfort when they are all grown and it plays in their memory. Pray and sing, to and with, your children daily. You are setting the example for their future lives.

It is not possible to ‘spoil’ a child with love. Comfort and nurture are always appropriate. In no way do they reduce your responsibility to discipline and mentor. When a child is the least lovable is when he needs your compassion the most.

Children seem to gravitate toward me because no matter what they have to share with me, I find it interesting. I am by nature curious, but if you aren’t, you can learn to be interested in your own children. It starts when they are babies and you take delight in their smile, when they find their toes, when they babble, crawl, walk, learn their colors, write their name, read to you, grow a carrot, walk in high heels, . . . You get the idea. In addition to the wonderful relationship you are building with them, you are modeling how they relate to others!

“Listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what. If you don't listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won't tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff.” Catherine M. Wallace

What you SAY will have very little effect on your children. What you DO will be everything. The poem “Children Learn What They Live”, by Dorothy Law Nolte is SO very true! Remember YOU are the role model! You are teaching them how to be an adult, a partner, and how to choose a partner as well. You are passing on your morals, values, faith, and . . . "Do as I say, not as I do" has never been an effective strategy. The only thing that teaches a child is that the "bad" behavior is okay for adults. Pass on your positive attributes, and when you fail, apologize and let them know that you recognize the wrong, and what you are doing to improve! This will be a tremendous blessing for your children!

CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE by Dorothy Law Nolte If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn. If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight. If a child lives with fear, he learns to be apprehensive. If a child lives with pity, he learns to feel sorry for himself. If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy. If a child lives with jealousy, he learns what envy is. If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty. If a child lives with encouragement, he learns to be confident. If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient. If a child lives with praise, he learns to be appreciative. If a child lives with acceptance, he learns to love. If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself. If a child lives with recognition, he learns that it is good to have a goal. If a child lives with sharing, he learns about generosity. If a child lives with honesty and fairness, he learns what truth and justice are. If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith in himself and in those about him. If a child lives with friendliness, he learns that the world is a nice place in which to live. If you live with serenity, your child will live with peace of mind. With what is your child living?

Do not tolerate ‘tattling’. For the most part, children need to learn and practice working things out for themselves. Tattling is a lesser form of bullying. If you don’t want to deal with a bully later, nip the tattling in the bud. By the way, a child requesting help from an adult when another child is in true danger, is NOT tattling!

Pick your battles. Most of the things you fuss at your kids about don’t matter. If it doesn’t affect their physical safety, or the ‘rights’ of another person, it probably doesn’t need to be a rule. When it comes to “rules”, less is more! If you can’t or won’t enforce it EVERY time, don’t make it a rule. Kids need to know exactly where the boundaries are, and where they have to learn to be responsible for themselves. Remember, you are working yourself out of a job.

When you want to give your child a choice, let them choose between two items you selected. As in: “Would you like to wear the red shirt or the blue one?” NOT: “What would you like to wear today?” Too many choices are overwhelming. Either/or choices help train them to make responsible choices. If you do not narrow down the field, don’t be surprised if they choose ‘Eggs Benedict’ for breakfast, when you were hoping for cereal or toast. Once you offer a choice, you MUST honor it.

I know many parents like to see their precious babies with long hair. I’m not ‘anti’ long hair, but I am ‘pro’ do-it-yourself. Their hair should not be longer than they can wash and comb on their own. It helps build self-respect, self-reliance and gives them a feeling of self-worth. If the child is able to wash, comb and perform basic care, it can be long and you can help them do ‘fancy’ for special occasions, but they should be able to perform their own basic hygiene by the time they are 4 years old.

The best way to teach your child to be fiscally responsible is to give them an allowance that they not only earn, but which covers their ‘expenses’. As in: school lunch, sports fees, lessons, and activities, savings and tithe. As they grow it can include more items and more complex ideas. Dance lessons are paid at the start of each month, meaning that ¼th of it needs to be saved each week until the bill is due. Extra money needed or wanted can be earned by doing additional tasks. When your children want the new something-or-other, they can earn it by doing additional tasks like washing windows, ironing pillowcases, raking leaves, etc. The converse is also true: neglect your chores and your allowance suffers -- first items to be omitted are the most ‘discretionary’ -- like spending money. This is an opportune time to teach the value of ‘work’ and being a responsible citizen. Remember your primary goal as a parent is to work yourself out of a job.

Five years old is not too young to have a job, a chore, or a responsibility (call it what you like). If they are old enough to walk, they are old enough to pick up their own toys and participate in their “hygiene”. By the time they go to school, they should have more responsibility -- make their own bed, set the table for meals, take dishes to the counter or sink (however it works in your house), dust, sweep, etc. Chores that apply to ‘their own space’ are not ones they should be paid for in an allowance. Those should be part of teaching them to be responsible for themselves. A few chores should be reserved for contributing to being part of the family. Chores for an ‘allowance’ are additional.