When you have been given a gift, it is still good manners to send a thank you note. Our tradition has always been that before you play with a new toy, the thank you must be sent. For children too young to write, drawing a picture is acceptable and helps to begin a good habit that will last a lifetime. Tying the ability to play with the new item to the writing of the thank you note, increases the likelihood of it getting written. There is an excitement when something is new, that encourages getting the note done. This habit will be of great use when great events begin to happen in life -- not just Christmas and birthdays, but Confirmation, Graduations, Showers, Weddings, Baby Showers and the like.

My great grandmother used to say, "Pretty is, as pretty does." And of course she was right. If you are acting ugly, you will be perceived as ugly. If your heart is beautiful, so will you be. This is a long way around the bush to say: The best way to feel beautiful is to do wonderful, beautiful things to others. Smile at the crabby woman at the grocery store. Pick up the piece of trash on the sidewalk, that you were about to step over. Read a book to a child. I think you get the idea. Step away from what ever it is that is causing you negatives, and spread some love and sunshine around. You'll be feeling beautiful in no time!

Every so often, take a risk. Step out of your comfort zone, and try something new. My mother used to counsel us to try something we’d never done before, and if we didn’t like it, we didn’t have to do it again, but we might find a new hobby, skill or interest. My Grampa Gust used to say you needed to choose something that “makes your liver quiver”. The more often the better. Also, crazy is good, insane isn’t.

Be sparing with ultimatums. Follow each through to its completion. It’s important to your integrity. Incomplete ultimatums result in no one paying attention when you state them. In other words, if you can’t do it, don’t say it. (no crying wolf)

If you find yourself frequently feeling short-tempered or overwhelmed, you have too many things on your plate. Back-up, refine your choices, eliminate either the offending item, or person and see if tranquility returns to your life. If it doesn’t, there’s more to be streamlined or eliminated. This is especially true during busy holiday seasons. There’s a good reason why God rested on the seventh day. You need time to rest too!

There’s an old joke: How do you eat an elephant? One bite at at time. Don’t let a daunting task overwhelm you. Pick a small part of it and dig in. One bite at a time, you can accomplish anything!

Embrace your age no matter what the calendar says. Right this minute you are the youngest you will ever be and oldest you have ever been. Every day is a blessing. Each new day is a new opportunity to try something you’ve never done before. Each wrinkle and gray hair celebrates your journey through life. Do your best to take care of the body you are traveling in, but “procedures” designed to make you look like you are much younger only highlight your insecurity. Project confidence in your age and celebrate all the “battle scars” (wrinkles, greys, sagging, etc.) you have earned!

“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version) This is one of my very favorite Bible verses. It is a great comfort in challenging situations. It is NOT intended to make our Heavenly Father into Santa Claus. His plan for you is not to give you candy, toys, cartoons and amusement parks. His plan is to nourish your soul as well as your body. His plan is to bring you home to Him one day. Eternity in heaven is your hope and future! When troubled, turn to this verse and remember that God holds you in the palm of His hand, and wants to spend eternity with you!

Every one makes some less than perfect choices. Own them, figure out how to avoid repeating, and move on. Dr.Phil says “You either make the right decision or you make the decision right.” As often as possible, learn from the mistakes of others rather than repeat them. If you must mess up, use it for reference in the future. (The first time you mis-step might be accidental, repetition usually isn’t.)

‘Forgive’ doesn’t mean ‘forget’. If they don’t belong in your life, don’t be lazy and let them stay. Kick ‘em out and move on.

Forgiveness is something you do for your own well-being. Don’t allow another to live in your thoughts ‘rent’-free’. Kick them out by forgiving them. “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times - seven times. -- Matthew 18: 21, 21

ChildLIKE is not the same as childISH. Always be the first word, never the second. An easy way to remember this is to remember the ends of both words: LIKE and ISH. “At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, "Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.” -- Matthew 18: 1 - 5

Be part of the solution rather than part of the problem. When you disagree, whether it is a person, a position, a law, a practice, or anything else, it is irresponsible and immature to stand on the sidelines and protest, shout, pout, cast aspersions, or denigrate. Any time you disagree, FIRST sit down and think it through. If you think about it for a bit, you will find that you can have a difference of opinion with less chance of harming that relationship, than if you go in “hot”. A mature and responsible person pauses to think before speaking, AND presents a solution or an alternative along with their opposition. Most “hot topics” would disappear if this was common practice. For example: if you are anti-abortion, work on ways that prevent the pregnancy in the first place, like cherishing yourself and your future spouse and practicing abstinence. It is 100% effective at preventing pregnancy and STD’s. Think of it and teach it in the positive; as a gift, rather than as a restriction or prohibition. Tend to the unwanted, uncherished, and mistreated people -- foster care, adoption, shelters, even anti-bullying. Talk is cheap. DO something. Work to make the thing you disagree with disappear. Returning to the example: the solution to abortion is not banning it, it’s making it irrelevant. If you can’t present a solution to a difference of opinion, keep your mouth shut until you can!

When you have a disagreement with someone, or feel the urge to pass judgement on another, refer to Matthew 18, AFTER you have spent time in prayer and God’s Word about it. "If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector. -- Matthew 18: 15 - 17.

What to do with the multitude of candy the kids have gathered while out Trick-or-Treating? This shouldn’t be a “problem”! Instead of teaching greed, don’t gather more than you need. Rather than going to every house for six blocks or more, set a limit on the number of houses to be visited. Around your block seems like plenty. If you feel a strong urge to bundle all the kids in the car to go a greater distance, take them to their grandparents house. Gramma & Grampa will be delighted to see the little ones, and so will their dear friends next door. Instead of throwing away candy, don’t gather it in the first place. This also teaches budgeting (how long do you want those twenty pieces to last?) It’s “green” because it doesn’t contribute to wasted candy in the landfill. It enhances community -- if the people in the neighborhood know how many kids to expect, they can budget correctly for the number of kids to expect to ring the doorbell. Trust me, kids get more enjoyment from being recognised by people they know (or by fooling them by not being spotted) than they do from strangers issuing a weak compliment. Being responsible is an every day, every situation, way of life. If we don’t model these behaviors for our children, we have no right to complain when they behave rudely. They do as they see their role models do.

Discipline: Consequences, Privileges & Redemption. Discipline is to train, not to punish. Use consequences to curb behaviors you’d like to see less of, and privileges to encourage the behaviors you’d like to see more of. Redemption is a wonderful way to model God’s grace, and to reward contrition and repentance. Consequences can be as simple as ‘timeout’, the temporary or permanent loss of an item or privilege, or an extra chore. Privileges can include all sorts of extras like getting to stay up later, have an outing, spend special time with a parent or other family member (like going to Gramma’s -- wink, wink) or a longed for item. Redemption is your response to contrition or repentance. Rather than assigning an extra chore, a better way is to have the child do something for another. It can be as simple as getting a glass of water for a sibling in a very young child, to mitzvah’s and servanthood in an older one.

Winning an argument causes a loss in another area. Keep in mind you are still paying for the argument -- just in another area. Winning should be considered a last resort. The goal is always to share information and seek agreement. If you can talk to each other calmly, lovingly, and respectfully, it won’t escalate into an argument in the first place. If you have a lot of arguments or disagreements with any other person, you are lazy and wrong, even if you win.

Be responsible in all your encounters with others. In person as well as when using social media. If you don’t want your grandmother, pastor, or future employer to see it or know about it, don’t do it. By the same token, if it has to be a secret, you shouldn't be a part of it. There are many in the world who would like you to believe their deception about “privacy” or “secrecy”. Many people fall for these deceptions. To their horror they discover that their privacy has been compromised in some way. A credit card number copied and used without consent of the owner. A photo promised to disappear like magic, suddenly appears on the internet for the world to see. Classified Government documents are leaked. Private communications are revealed. The simple solution is: If you don’t want anyone to know, don’t do it.

Be appropriate. Crying in front of your child when your dog dies is appropriate. Screaming because you didn’t get the parking spot you wanted is not. Kissing your spouse in front of your child is appropriate, making-out is not. Current fashions can be worn without being an exhibitionist. By being appropriate at all times, you are a good example for your children and for all the people you will encounter throughout your day. This will also put others at ease in your presence, and it’s simply good manners!

Honesty IS the best policy. It contributes toward your integrity, and it doesn’t matter if your memory starts to go -- you don’t have to remember what lie you told, nor whom you told it to. This includes honesty in your emotions. Be genuine in every part of your life, including sadness and tears, as well as joy and singing (and in front of your children if you have them.)

Children should participate in church, family devotions, and prayers as soon as they can sit up. They won’t learn the how-to of a relationship with God if you don’t model it, anymore than they will learn proper table manners by sitting in the kitchen while you eat in the dining room. They should be included in faith activities from the moment of conception. If YOU are living a faith-filled life, they will come naturally into faith, and it will be an integral part of them, just as breathing or their hearts beating. If you haven't been living your life this way, start now.

Whatever is going on in your life, spend some time each day talking to God about it. It’s okay to have any emotion. His shoulders are broad. King David was angry with Him, yet God called him “beloved”. He’s more interested in the relationship, than whether the emotion is positive or negative. Martin Luther said that the more things he had to do in a day meant the more time he needed with God at the start of the day.

My great-grandmother said that the most healthful meals had the most colors on the plate. This is an easy way to have a well rounded diet. Even your three-year-old can participate in making healthful choices.

The advice ‘darker is better’ applies to many things, principally ingestibles -- dark chocolate, red wine, amber beer, dark brown sugar, deeply colored fruits and vegetables (beets, spinach, asparagus, blueberries, lingonberries, black currants, etc.). The health benefits escalate as the color deepens. Indulge and enjoy!

One or two ounces of dark chocolate every day is therapeutic -- be healthful.

All things in moderation -- wine, fats, carbs, eggs, whatever the current thing to avoid is -- neither too much nor too little is appropriate. There are no “bad foods”, just less than perfect choices. A little of this, a little of that, wide variety and moderation. This applies to more than just food. It’s a good way to keep balance in all areas of your life.

Get some exercise every day. Walking, biking and home care should be sufficient. If you’re watching a lot of TV, there are probably tasks that need to be done. On the other hand, if you’ve washed the kitchen floor, done a bunch of laundry, cut the grass, and… , you don’t need a gym membership. AND, you shouldn’t feel guilty about sitting down for a break and watching TV, reading a book, or whatever you like to do to take a break

Many cultures practice some sort of an afternoon break. In Mexico, it is “siesta”. In England it’s “Tea Time”. In northern European countries, it’s “Coffee Time”. Call it what ever you want to, but take a break in the afternoon. A little treat with your break will boost you up to make your afternoon more effective. One piece of cake, a couple of cookies, or some fruit is great. It’s not a full meal. -- And for that matter, you should also practice “Elevenses” (a morning break).

Until your children start buying their own clothing, YOU are responsible for what they wear. Rips, bad hems, buttons off, stains, out-grown... all of that is YOUR fault and responsibility. The first three you should have taken care of before the item made it to their room, and the last, you should have removed at the first sign of it being tight. You are also responsible for making ‘modest’ choices and for teaching them to do the same. It is more than possible to be stylish and modest. They won’t learn it if you don’t teach it. ALSO, you should practice it so they can learn by your example.

A few times a year, break one of your rules on purpose, with your children. When Kimberly was little, on the first ‘warm’ day (70 degrees) we walked around the lake and had ice cream for supper. The memories are sweet and vivid, and it’s a tradition she still practices. I didn’t worry about the calories, as we had gotten quite a bit of exercise on our walk. When good nutrition is part of every day, you don’t need to worry about an occasional wild moment. The few ‘special’ breaks’, build memories, and help teach them not to be too rigid in their life.

Every person at the table should eat one spoonful of each food at the meal. And no dessert unless the main meal is eaten completely. When they are little, you know approximately how much they are likely to eat, and as they grow and take over that decision, they are much less likely to waste food or overeat if you have been teaching good behaviors from the beginning. This does not mean STUFF them! It does mean be responsible in everything you do, even in your/their use of food.

Take every opportunity to teach your child a new word, skill, or craft. These are not only tremendous blessings for your little ones, but it builds memories and bonds that will help you get along with each other. When they are older, they will continue this practice. Okay, in case that wasn’t obvious enough, I’ll reframe it. If you (or anyone else) are alive, each day is an opportunity to learn something new. It helps keep you vibrant. Let no day be wasted. And another thing, this should include time in The Word - your spiritual life is important too!

Even though Philippians 4: 13 says, “I can do everything through him who gives me strength,” no one can do everything at once. Be aware of keeping balance in your life and in your family. If you’re feeling over-extended, or bored, it’s time to take a look at how you are allocating your time. This devotional, will bless you: http://www.thelife.com/dailydevotions/a-balancing-act then follow its advice: “Take out a piece of paper. At the top of it, write three columns, one labeled “emotional,” one labeled “physical,” and one labeled “spiritual.” Post it on your fridge and commit to doing one thing per day to refuel in these vital areas of self-care. However you choose to refuel, don’t miss out on the sweet moments of life your Father wants to bless you with today.”

Read to your child every day. As soon as you know you’re pregnant, (both parents) start reading aloud. It doesn’t matter so much WHAT you read in the early months. It does matter THAT you read. The brain of a child starts forming connections and patterns from the start. The more varied the vocabulary you introduce, the more varied the vocabulary they will be comfortable with. As they learn to read, let them read to you. Sharing the reading and then working yourself out of this ‘job’ will help them all through their lives. Also, read for your own pleasure in the presence of your children. They will make habits based on yours. Thirty minutes a day is not too much to spend for the rewards of this habit!

Research says that singing to your baby will cause synapses to form in their tiny brains that will give them an advantage not only in learning the language they are speaking and it’s grammar, but make it easier for them to learn other languages. Silly songs also help! They’re learning every minute! Also read poetry and Dr. Seuss books. The meter and rhyme are marvelous!

An hymn is the best lullaby. In addition to calming and comforting your child, the hymn will bring them great comfort when they are all grown and it plays in their memory. Pray and sing, to and with, your children daily. You are setting the example for their future lives.

It is not possible to ‘spoil’ a child with love. Comfort and nurture are always appropriate. In no way do they reduce your responsibility to discipline and mentor. When a child is the least lovable is when he needs your compassion the most.

Children seem to gravitate toward me because no matter what they have to share with me, I find it interesting. I am by nature curious, but if you aren’t, you can learn to be interested in your own children. It starts when they are babies and you take delight in their smile, when they find their toes, when they babble, crawl, walk, learn their colors, write their name, read to you, grow a carrot, walk in high heels, . . . You get the idea. In addition to the wonderful relationship you are building with them, you are modeling how they relate to others!

“Listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what. If you don't listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won't tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff.” Catherine M. Wallace

What you SAY will have very little effect on your children. What you DO will be everything. The poem “Children Learn What They Live”, by Dorothy Law Nolte is SO very true! Remember YOU are the role model! You are teaching them how to be an adult, a partner, and how to choose a partner as well. You are passing on your morals, values, faith, and . . . "Do as I say, not as I do" has never been an effective strategy. The only thing that teaches a child is that the "bad" behavior is okay for adults. Pass on your positive attributes, and when you fail, apologize and let them know that you recognize the wrong, and what you are doing to improve! This will be a tremendous blessing for your children!

CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE by Dorothy Law Nolte If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn. If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight. If a child lives with fear, he learns to be apprehensive. If a child lives with pity, he learns to feel sorry for himself. If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy. If a child lives with jealousy, he learns what envy is. If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty. If a child lives with encouragement, he learns to be confident. If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient. If a child lives with praise, he learns to be appreciative. If a child lives with acceptance, he learns to love. If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself. If a child lives with recognition, he learns that it is good to have a goal. If a child lives with sharing, he learns about generosity. If a child lives with honesty and fairness, he learns what truth and justice are. If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith in himself and in those about him. If a child lives with friendliness, he learns that the world is a nice place in which to live. If you live with serenity, your child will live with peace of mind. With what is your child living?

Do not tolerate ‘tattling’. For the most part, children need to learn and practice working things out for themselves. Tattling is a lesser form of bullying. If you don’t want to deal with a bully later, nip the tattling in the bud. By the way, a child requesting help from an adult when another child is in true danger, is NOT tattling!

Pick your battles. Most of the things you fuss at your kids about don’t matter. If it doesn’t affect their physical safety, or the ‘rights’ of another person, it probably doesn’t need to be a rule. When it comes to “rules”, less is more! If you can’t or won’t enforce it EVERY time, don’t make it a rule. Kids need to know exactly where the boundaries are, and where they have to learn to be responsible for themselves. Remember, you are working yourself out of a job.

When you want to give your child a choice, let them choose between two items you selected. As in: “Would you like to wear the red shirt or the blue one?” NOT: “What would you like to wear today?” Too many choices are overwhelming. Either/or choices help train them to make responsible choices. If you do not narrow down the field, don’t be surprised if they choose ‘Eggs Benedict’ for breakfast, when you were hoping for cereal or toast. Once you offer a choice, you MUST honor it.

I know many parents like to see their precious babies with long hair. I’m not ‘anti’ long hair, but I am ‘pro’ do-it-yourself. Their hair should not be longer than they can wash and comb on their own. It helps build self-respect, self-reliance and gives them a feeling of self-worth. If the child is able to wash, comb and perform basic care, it can be long and you can help them do ‘fancy’ for special occasions, but they should be able to perform their own basic hygiene by the time they are 4 years old.

The best way to teach your child to be fiscally responsible is to give them an allowance that they not only earn, but which covers their ‘expenses’. As in: school lunch, sports fees, lessons, and activities, savings and tithe. As they grow it can include more items and more complex ideas. Dance lessons are paid at the start of each month, meaning that ¼th of it needs to be saved each week until the bill is due. Extra money needed or wanted can be earned by doing additional tasks. When your children want the new something-or-other, they can earn it by doing additional tasks like washing windows, ironing pillowcases, raking leaves, etc. The converse is also true: neglect your chores and your allowance suffers -- first items to be omitted are the most ‘discretionary’ -- like spending money. This is an opportune time to teach the value of ‘work’ and being a responsible citizen. Remember your primary goal as a parent is to work yourself out of a job.

Five years old is not too young to have a job, a chore, or a responsibility (call it what you like). If they are old enough to walk, they are old enough to pick up their own toys and participate in their “hygiene”. By the time they go to school, they should have more responsibility -- make their own bed, set the table for meals, take dishes to the counter or sink (however it works in your house), dust, sweep, etc. Chores that apply to ‘their own space’ are not ones they should be paid for in an allowance. Those should be part of teaching them to be responsible for themselves. A few chores should be reserved for contributing to being part of the family. Chores for an ‘allowance’ are additional.

When you feel crabby, and are tempted to snap at your children, pause and remember, "If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come! -- Matthew 18: 6, 7 This means, if you act harshly and cause nasty feelings inside your child, YOU are in the wrong. You can discipline without making your child ‘hate’ you. If your child EVER says that, stop and figure out how you should have used discipline rather than punishment. Then seek forgiveness from God and your child.

Another good axiom is that we would all be better off if we would give others a piece of our heart rather than a piece of our mind. While I try to follow this, there are times I’m tempted to make an exception. You will be tempted to. When I was little, my Mother called this “being the bigger person”. However you look at it, not only will others be blessed by your behaviour, but you will be blessed as well.

Pay it Forward! You can’t always repay a kindness exactly, but you can always be alert for opportunities to be kind. And the best way to to be altruistic is to take every chance you can, to be helpful without keeping score. There’s an old saying about keeping track of the good you do for others in the sand and of the good others to for you carved in stone. It’s a good philosophy.

Make a point of encouraging at least one person every single day. It can be as simple as a thank you, or a smile, but it very well may be the only caring thing that will happen to them that day. With a few basic human kindnesses, you could change a life and change the world.

Encourage rather than praise whenever you can. Encouragement is more difficult, because it requires you to pause a moment and interact with the other person. This applies to any person you are in contact with, but especially to interactions with children. When someone receives praise, they may come to feel they are entitled to it. When a person receives encouragement, they feel confident in what they have done, and then apply that confidence to their next endeavor.

Praise the positive! As much as possible, praise them. That does NOT mean to over-praise or be un-genuine. Praise the behaviors you want to see, and ignore the ones you don’t want to see. Children want your attention and will do anything to get it. This applies most especially to bad behavior. It also applies to relationships in general. Spouses, friends, co-workers, people who ride your bus, the woman with two small children struggling her way through the grocery store. Everyone you encounter can benefit from a little praise, or a compliment.

A misbehaving child can and should be ignored as much as possible. That is the root of ‘Time Out’. If the child is misbehaving to get attention, giving them attention (even negative attention) will perpetuate and strengthen the bad behavior. Unless there is a safety issue (theirs or someone else’s) ignore it. When they figure out that negative behavior doesn't work, they will try something else -- something that you can reward, praise, or encourage. And the opposite is also true...

Timeout is only effective if it is used properly -- one quiet minute for each year of age (must be consecutive) is just about perfect. It should be in a quiet area, just close enough to the rest of the family to make the child feel left out, and just far enough away that the rest of the family seems to be paying no attention to the timed-out child. Once the time has been served, the child may choose when to rejoin the family. Remember, you are teaching them to master their own emotions. Work yourself out of a job. Once they have self-control, a more complex response is called for (see the rule just above this one).

Discipline and punishment are NOT the same thing. Do the first one, not the second. I know, that way is so much harder, but do it anyway. The lesson is learned much better when the consequence is both tied to the crime and fits it. As in: If homework is forgotten at school, grounded for a month is much less effective than if you create some homework for the child that evening (once again the dictionary or the Bible are great sources for this.) If they have done something mean or disrespectful, a far more effective consequence is to do something nice for both the person they harmed and a stranger (perhaps filling boxes for Operation Christmas Child, volunteering at “Feed My Starving Children”, a Food Bank, or....).

You are NOT your child’s best friend. You are the parent. You set the rules and enforce them. Your primary job as a parent is to work yourself out of a job. When your children are grown (over 21 and out of your house) you can and should have a friendship with each of them. If you’ve done the previous rule with grace and love, this will come easily, if not, you must now do the extra work to correct this.

Your primary responsibility as a parent is to work yourself out of a job by mentoring your child into a well-adjusted, responsible adult. In other words, you teach, mentor, and guide them into being responsible and knowledgeable adults. If you aren’t doing this, you’re doing it wrong.

The Swedes say, “Friends double our joy and divide our grief”. Make and keep a few really dear friends. They will be ‘Moses’ hands’, and you will be Aaron or Hur to them as well. Also, make your family, your friends. That doesn’t apply to parenting (until your children are fully grown).

God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do. Martin Luther called this “Grace Alone” look it up -- you’ll love what you find!

When you feel the urge to judge another, remember that you will be judged by the same standard you apply to others. This does not mean that you are okay if you just don’t do the same ‘terrible’ thing, it means that your heart will be judged as well as your behavior.“For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” -- Matthew 7:2 and "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” -- Luke 6:37 (For the truly dense: the person taking office supplies home from work is as equally guilty as the bank robber. It’s just that one ‘sin’ is more obvious. Be careful where you throw stones!)

Before you judge another, seek to understand. (Walk a mile in their moccasins.) Everyone has challenges in their life. Never waste an opportunity to come along side of another and help them.

With a pencil and a library card you can go anywhere, do anything, and neither one is very costly.

Philippians 4:13 says “I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.” You can do ANY thing, but not EVERY thing at the same time.

If it is no longer useful to you, bless someone else with it. By the time your youngest child goes to school, you don’t need the baby bathtub anymore, but you probably know someone who does need it. If you outgrow it, change your preference, or have too many of an item, you can bless someone rather than let it moulder in a closet.

Don’t “hoard” the good stuff. Use the pretty table cloth. Burn the pretty candles. Work the Mixmaster into the ground. If something breaks, celebrate the pleasure it brought, and repair, replace or repurpose. (In that order!) If the cost of an item makes you avoid using it, it was NOT a wise purchase.

Living within your means does not mean you can’t have a wonderful life. The things that matter most aren’t things, cost no money, and their value is priceless.

AVOID credit cards, but if you must use one, pay it off every single month. Your credit will really suffer if you build up debt. Live within your means.

Start saving for retirement with your first paycheck. The power of compound interest is your friend. Never mind if you don’t quite understand it yet, when you figure it out, you’ll be SO glad you started when you did.

As my Grampa used to say, “And another thing,...” Your housing expense (rent or mortgage) should not exceed 25% (¼th) of your monthly income. Do not be swayed by fast talkers who say otherwise. If you spend more than that, you will be perpetually in a panic. Also, tithe, AND put at least 10% of your monthly income in savings. (So are you beginning to see a pattern here? 25% for housing, 10% into each tithe and savings, means you’ve already spent almost half of your monthly income and we haven’t even factored in food, utilities, insurance, and transportation.)

While we are talking about money stuff, before you start spending your raise, inheritance, or whatever money, make sure you have either a savings account or an envelope in your top dresser drawer (or where ever you want your secret stash to be) that equals or exceeds SIX months worth of living expenses. This lessens the panic when you suddenly have a car repair, child’s braces, new fridge, job loss or any of the other ‘surprises’ in life.

There is an old standard about what to do when you find yourself in a bad financial position: “If it ever comes down to either/or, make your car payment or repair before your mortgage, because you can live in your car, but you can’t drive your house to work.” That’s not bad advice if your circumstances change suddenly, but I'll take it a step farther... Don’t accrue debt in the first place. Don’t take on an expensive car (payment) because you think you deserve it, or want to impress someone else. Save your pennies if you must, but PAY for your car rather than have a car payment. There is nothing wrong with saving toward a goal. That’s the smart way to do it.

In honor of the new year, and all the resolutions you are tempted to make, here are some tips on goal setting.

Step 1: Sit down with pen and paper and do some dreaming. No kidding, this part is serious business. Let your mind wander a little and try to see the life you really want. REALLY see it. Do you want to go to college, buy your first house, or something else? In your mind, try to picture what living that dream would look like. Does your home have one or two stories? Is your car a sports car or a station wagon?

At this stage, you have a magic wand (you really do, it's called your "pen"). Anything is possible. No limitations (those will come later). Look at all facets of your life. If you had no limitations (pretend time, money and other things are no obstacle) what would your life look like? How involved would you be in your church? What hobbies would be part of your life? I love to China Paint and do all kinds of Needlework, as well as design Counted Cross-stitch patterns, so those would fit into this section of my plan. Sports or physical activities? Travel? What role would you play in the lives of your children or grandchildren? What kinds of things would you be doing with your friends?

This might take several sessions. You might want to, right now, schedule an hour a week into your calendar for this. Call it "GOAL SETTING" or something else that sounds serious and professional, and don't let anything stop you from keeping that appointment with yourself. Later, this time can turn into refining your plan or re-organizing. In the beginning, you might want to take an entire afternoon. Or, you might want to leave it out on the diningroom table, or somewhere else that you can "doodle" with it whenever you have a bit of free time.

For now, just get those thoughts on paper. Later you'll turn them into goals and action plans. You can call it, "The Road To Our Success", “Dreams Of My Future”, or something else that resonates with you. Create a "Goals & Dreams" book. Maybe in a loose-leaf binder, a pre-bound thing that's like a dozen sheet protector pages bound together, a photo album with those "magnetic" sheet pages, a journal-type book, or a scrapbook. Another good way to display your goals and dreams is with a bulletin board or one of those folding poster board things. Choose something that fits your personality, and works best for you. I started with little scraps of paper (post-its, index cards, and note-pad sheets) that I kept together in a little plastic sleeve. Now I have a photo-album with different kinds of sheets in it. Sheet protectors for full-sized sheets of paper, and those sheet protector kinds of pocket-pages for photos.

This is where you can get creative. If one of your goals is to have a new car, go on-line and find out all you can about it. Go to a car dealer and get their brochure on it. Take someone with you and have your picture taken test-driving it.
Really see those goals in as much detail as possible. Go to Michael's (the craft store) and get some scrapbooking stuff to accent it. Go to a travel agent and got some travel brochures. Some goals might have several pages, and will have more after you accomplish it and add some pictures of your success. Find articles about it.

Eventually your book will be a combination of achieved goals as well as ones you are working toward. It's a great reminder to have when you feel dismal. It's a great "pick-me-up" when the day has been full of frustration. I even have some of those original scraps of paper goals in mine. One is just a page from a small note book, on which I had written: "Achieve President's Club", and then scratched out "how". It says: Sell $10,000 (at that time) in cycle. 20 campaigns at $500 each. (I started part-way into the cycle). I have that sheet mounted on a piece of colored paper along with a picture of that Mrs. Albee statue that I cut out of the President's Club Recognition brochure from that year. And a photo-copy, cut out of the Recognition Statement from the campaign I earned it in. (I made it in 16 campaigns by-the-way.)

This book is not just to motivate you. It will help motivate your children to set and achieve goals of their own. Share it with your family, and encourage them to contribute ideas of things to work toward like a family vacation, a new car or that swing-set they’ve always wanted. One person I know, wanted to take her family to Mexico for her daughter’s 15th birthday (which is a big thing in that culture) to celebrate her heritage as her mother, grandmother, etc., had. She achieved her goal, they went, and now pictures of that event are in her book.

You can add all kinds of things to it. If you attend an event, save the invitation and have your picture taken there. Include any kind of incentive or event and as many things as you can think of that contribute to it. Tickets, fortunes from cookies, small calendar pages, swatches and paint chips. Cut pictures from magazines. The more things you include, the more real it becomes in your mind (which will help keep you motivated on those challenging days). Also include information and pictures when you achieve it.

Step 2: Start planning how you will turn those "dreams" into goals. Like my example above about achieving "PC". What will it take to achieve your goal? Then break that down into manageable sized pieces. One Rep I know, broke achieving PC down into not only what it took each campaign, but how much she needed to sell in a single day. Make your steps small enough to be achievable, but big enough to make you stretch a little. Make all of your goals "SMART". If you don't know what SMART goals are, there's lots of info on the internet about SMART Goals. Goals should be Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Ttimely.

Step 3 & 4: Start tracking yourself. Are you achieving above, below, or right on? What adjustments do you need to make? Adjust as you go along. Some things will work, some won't. Some will work for a while and then need freshening. Don't let your goals or your enthusiasm stagnate. If it no longer motivates you, change it so it does.

Step 5: Make sure you reward yourself along the way. I have short-term goals for each week as well as long term goals for the next several years. When I accomplish a step I reward myself. Sometimes it's only a SUBWAY sandwich, or a DAIRY QUEEN Sundae, some times it's a bigger item like a piece of jewelry. Always have something immediate you are working toward on the way to the big goals. This will help you stay motivated and enthusiastic. Share those achievements with people you care about, like friends and family. Let others know what you’ve achieved and encourage them to make their dreams a reality too.

Step 6: After you achieve a goal, give yourself a little time (ten minutes or so, only half-kidding) to wallow in your success and enjoy your reward. But don't end the day without a new goal. You need some reason to wake up in the morning and start in again.

I wish you great success!