Children seem to gravitate toward me because no matter what they have to share with me, I find it interesting. I am by nature curious, but if you aren’t, you can learn to be interested in your own children. It starts when they are babies and you take delight in their smile, when they find their toes, when they babble, crawl, walk, learn their colors, write their name, read to you, grow a carrot, walk in high heels, . . . You get the idea. In addition to the wonderful relationship you are building with them, you are modeling how they relate to others!

“Listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what. If you don't listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won't tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff.” Catherine M. Wallace

What you SAY will have very little effect on your children. What you DO will be everything. The poem “Children Learn What They Live”, by Dorothy Law Nolte is SO very true! Remember YOU are the role model! You are teaching them how to be an adult, a partner, and how to choose a partner as well. You are passing on your morals, values, faith, and . . . "Do as I say, not as I do" has never been an effective strategy. The only thing that teaches a child is that the "bad" behavior is okay for adults. Pass on your positive attributes, and when you fail, apologize and let them know that you recognize the wrong, and what you are doing to improve! This will be a tremendous blessing for your children!

CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE by Dorothy Law Nolte If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn. If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight. If a child lives with fear, he learns to be apprehensive. If a child lives with pity, he learns to feel sorry for himself. If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy. If a child lives with jealousy, he learns what envy is. If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty. If a child lives with encouragement, he learns to be confident. If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient. If a child lives with praise, he learns to be appreciative. If a child lives with acceptance, he learns to love. If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself. If a child lives with recognition, he learns that it is good to have a goal. If a child lives with sharing, he learns about generosity. If a child lives with honesty and fairness, he learns what truth and justice are. If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith in himself and in those about him. If a child lives with friendliness, he learns that the world is a nice place in which to live. If you live with serenity, your child will live with peace of mind. With what is your child living?

Do not tolerate ‘tattling’. For the most part, children need to learn and practice working things out for themselves. Tattling is a lesser form of bullying. If you don’t want to deal with a bully later, nip the tattling in the bud. By the way, a child requesting help from an adult when another child is in true danger, is NOT tattling!

Pick your battles. Most of the things you fuss at your kids about don’t matter. If it doesn’t affect their physical safety, or the ‘rights’ of another person, it probably doesn’t need to be a rule. When it comes to “rules”, less is more! If you can’t or won’t enforce it EVERY time, don’t make it a rule. Kids need to know exactly where the boundaries are, and where they have to learn to be responsible for themselves. Remember, you are working yourself out of a job.

When you want to give your child a choice, let them choose between two items you selected. As in: “Would you like to wear the red shirt or the blue one?” NOT: “What would you like to wear today?” Too many choices are overwhelming. Either/or choices help train them to make responsible choices. If you do not narrow down the field, don’t be surprised if they choose ‘Eggs Benedict’ for breakfast, when you were hoping for cereal or toast. Once you offer a choice, you MUST honor it.

I know many parents like to see their precious babies with long hair. I’m not ‘anti’ long hair, but I am ‘pro’ do-it-yourself. Their hair should not be longer than they can wash and comb on their own. It helps build self-respect, self-reliance and gives them a feeling of self-worth. If the child is able to wash, comb and perform basic care, it can be long and you can help them do ‘fancy’ for special occasions, but they should be able to perform their own basic hygiene by the time they are 4 years old.

The best way to teach your child to be fiscally responsible is to give them an allowance that they not only earn, but which covers their ‘expenses’. As in: school lunch, sports fees, lessons, and activities, savings and tithe. As they grow it can include more items and more complex ideas. Dance lessons are paid at the start of each month, meaning that ¼th of it needs to be saved each week until the bill is due. Extra money needed or wanted can be earned by doing additional tasks. When your children want the new something-or-other, they can earn it by doing additional tasks like washing windows, ironing pillowcases, raking leaves, etc. The converse is also true: neglect your chores and your allowance suffers -- first items to be omitted are the most ‘discretionary’ -- like spending money. This is an opportune time to teach the value of ‘work’ and being a responsible citizen. Remember your primary goal as a parent is to work yourself out of a job.

Five years old is not too young to have a job, a chore, or a responsibility (call it what you like). If they are old enough to walk, they are old enough to pick up their own toys and participate in their “hygiene”. By the time they go to school, they should have more responsibility -- make their own bed, set the table for meals, take dishes to the counter or sink (however it works in your house), dust, sweep, etc. Chores that apply to ‘their own space’ are not ones they should be paid for in an allowance. Those should be part of teaching them to be responsible for themselves. A few chores should be reserved for contributing to being part of the family. Chores for an ‘allowance’ are additional.