As Bill Gates said, “life isn’t fair”. Don’t waste time, energy or love on what could have been. It’s okay to wallow in sadness if you must, but after an hour of really giving it your best “sad”, get up and do something kind for someone else. Repeat as often as necessary. You will find that you spend much less time angry or sad, and passing on a blessing helps you feel more positive. Random acts of kindness are especially sweet if you do them in secret! Blowing your own horn about having done them reduces their effectiveness.

Both the forest and the trees are important. When you feel overwhelmed, pay no mind to the whole project, the whole of your life, etc. Look for one small step you can take. The best one to choose is one that will take 5 minutes or less. You need a small victory and you need it now. Build up to bigger steps. Once in a while, step back and look at the whole. Never let one of them make you lose track of the other.

The BEST thing you can do for your children is to love your spouse. You’ve probably heard that somewhere before, but it’s not only worth saying again, it’s worth saying often. For one thing, you are modeling marriage for your children. How will they ever pick good partners and create good marriages if they’ve never seen it modeled? YOU and your spouse are teaching them how to behave in a marriage, so don’t just give them a good example, make it a great one. Kiss your spouse in front of them. Flirt a little. You don’t have to show them the private areas, but you should show them the affection you have for your spouse. AND, another thing, part of making children feel “safe” is making sure they know your family unit is SAFE. This is more than not being abusive toward your spouse, it’s letting them see your little disagreements and that you not only work them out, you do it with love. Let them see you have differences of opinion, and still love each other like mad. They need to see conflict managed well. One more thing and I’ll stop for now…. Loving your spouse in the presence of your children includes past relationships as well. If your spouse was previously married, you need to “love” those ex-es and their new spouses as well. You don’t have to be lovey-dovey, but you do have to be cordial. If there are animosities or bad feelings, keep them out of the children’s sight. In our present age of blended families, this becomes more important all the time. It even stretches back into grandparents and blending. Children have a sixth sense for disharmony -- don’t let them find it in your family.

When everything feels like it’s ‘too ----’. Stop and take a deep breath -- in through your nose and slowly out through your mouth. Repeat up to a total of three times. Don’t do more, it will cause you to hyperventilate and possibly pass-out. Neither is helpful to the situation. A few deep breaths will give your mind a moment to find calm. It will have a soothing effect on your blood pressure/heart rate. And will stall things long enough for you to have a thought or two. Then, proceed to the next step...

Use words correctly. ‘Toward’, ‘anyway’, and ‘regard’, do NOT have an ‘s’ on the end of them. Don’t put one there. The same is true with a ‘t’ at the end of ‘across’. A ‘moot point’ is one that doesn’t matter. It is not ‘mute’ (silent) nor ‘mood’ (an emotion). ‘Tack’ is gear for an horse, so if you change your ‘tack’, you’re trying something different. ‘Tact’ is a good thing to practice, but doesn’t apply directly to trying another solution. If you want someone to know something for sure, the phrase is: “If some other person thinks that something I don’t want to happen will, they have another THINK coming.” They do not have another THING coming. Words that begin with a vowel or an ‘h’, get ‘an’ before them. The rest get a single ‘a’. Ir-regardless and un-thaw are not only not words they imply the opposite. Remove the first syllable and you’re correct. ‘There’, ‘their’ and ‘they’re’ are not interchangeable. Neither are ‘your’ and ‘you’re’.

Using the same word or phrase over and over, (and for that matter: swearing/cursing) is lazy. There are hundreds of thousands of words available to you. Expand your mind and your vocabulary, and USE them. It will also help keep people from tuning you out because they’ve heard it all before. God created the good people at Merriam-Webster, Oxford, and American Heritage to make this easier for you. Take full advantage of this blessing.

The only constant is change. No matter how good or bad anything is, it will change. You can speed this up by being a catalyst! If you're still breathing, you can still make a difference. If you have an opportunity to do something, do it. If the opportunity isn't just sitting there waiting for you, MAKE your own way in. Be creative! There is always something you can do. btw: there is ALWAYS something to be thankful for. If you're stuck in a rut, start looking at the things in your life that you can be thankful for. Often this will give you an idea (or many) of some change you can make. Embrace change. Make it your friend, and get out and make a difference!

DREAM! And if you’re going to bother to have a dream, make it a good one. Once you have a dream, don’t let anyone wear you down or talk you out of it. Most people give up just before things were about to fall into place. Hang on just a little while longer.

Plan ahead, and plan for it to change as well. Flexibility is as important as knowing what you’re going to do next. Before you go to bed, know three things you will do the next day. Also know that in the blink of an eye, everything can change. Be neither distressed nor unprepared. “Go with the flow”, doesn’t mean don’t plan, it means don’t get upset by the unexpected. At the same time, the old adage, “Failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part,” applies in both directions.

Laughter really is the best medicine. Laugh everyday. Most things in life, you will laugh at some day. Don’t waste time. Start now. Especially, laugh at yourself.

As often as possible, D-A-N-C-E. King David danced naked before the LORD, but you can keep your clothes on.

Table manners will either make or break you. God made napkins and bibs for a purpose. USE them ALWAYS! If you are confused about which piece of silverware to use, start at the outside and work your way in. Forks go on the left, and knives and spoons to the right -- an easy way to remember this is that the knife is picked up by the hand you cut with (the right). One hand belongs in your lap (to hold your napkin in place). Pass dishes clockwise. When your hostess has finished eating, the meal is over. Do not leave the table until she does. A man holds the chair, first for the woman to his right. When a woman leaves the table, men stand up both when she leaves and when she comes back (to potentially help with her chair as well as to show respect). When you finish eating, put your silverware side-by-side, with the tips to the upper left, bases to the lower right.

Manners are important. Know them. Use them. No matter who visits Windsor Castle (or anywhere else the British Monarch is) they will feel welcome and at ease. One reason is that QE II has done her homework (due diligence) to know your customs and what makes you comfortable. Another is that you will be briefed in advance so you will know just what is expected of you. If it’s good enough for the Queen of England, it’s good enough for you. Manners and etiquette make everyone feel more comfortable. If you don’t have great manners, it won’t matter if your IQ is over 150.

Be respectful of things as well as people. If you drop it, pick it up. If you open it, close it when you’re done. If you get it dirty, get it clean again. If you use it up or break it, replace it. If you take good care of things they will last longer, save money, and you’ll have an easier time keeping your home clean and tidy. And people will trust you when you want to borrow something. You can extrapolate the corollaries for how to treat people.

Never yell at anyone, unless the house is on fire. If you really want someone to listen, speak softly. It forces them to pay closer attention.

While “respect is earned”, is a common phrase, it is its ancillary that is the most correct -- as in: EVERYone you encounter deserves your respect until their behavior takes it away. You respect your elders, your boss, your spouse and your children. In most cases this will also result in their behaving respectfully toward you.

Behave in such a way that when you arise in the morning, the Devil says, “Oh no, s/he is up!” You may be the only imitator of Christ that some people ever see. Be a GREAT example! Saint Francis said, “Preach the Gospel at all times. If necessary, use words.” Let every thing you do or say be an enhancement of the Gospel!!!

As Abraham Lincoln said, “Many things in life you cannot choose; but you can always choose your own attitude.” Choose a positive one.

No matter what you are doing, if you aren’t having fun, you’re doing it wrong. That doesn’t mean you should be disrespectful, but happiness is a choice. You CAN be well mannered and happy at the same time. It might take a little practice, but you’ll get the hang of it, and it will change your life.

Joseph waited 13 years. Abraham waited 25 years. Moses waited 40 years. Jesus waited 30 years. If God is making you wait, you're in good company. God’s timing is perfect. Yours is just impatient. He is never late, never early, and never wrong. Take a deep breath and look for the blessing and the joy.

First things first. "Who am I" ... If you think you want to call me ‘Val’, it must be preceded by a title. As in ‘Gramma Val’ (or ‘Gramma Lal’ -- my grandmother). Miss Val and Auntie Val are also acceptable if you are under 18. In all other cases, my name is ‘VALERIE’ -- no nickname. Unless you are my dead Grandmother, DO NOT call me Vali, unless you want to join her. If you are one of about a dozen people (I know who you are), I will respond to ‘Bowzie’ or "Bowz". If I haven’t given you special permission, don’t try it. 8 June 2016 -- I've mellowed a bit since I first posted this. I'm ready for "Vali" to be part of my life. Please, still refrain from calling me "Val". Gramma-Vali, Auntie-Vali, Mama-Vali all sound like me, so feel free!