Praise the positive! As much as possible, praise them. That does NOT mean to over-praise or be un-genuine. Praise the behaviors you want to see, and ignore the ones you don’t want to see. Children want your attention and will do anything to get it. This applies most especially to bad behavior. It also applies to relationships in general. Spouses, friends, co-workers, people who ride your bus, the woman with two small children struggling her way through the grocery store. Everyone you encounter can benefit from a little praise, or a compliment.

A misbehaving child can and should be ignored as much as possible. That is the root of ‘Time Out’. If the child is misbehaving to get attention, giving them attention (even negative attention) will perpetuate and strengthen the bad behavior. Unless there is a safety issue (theirs or someone else’s) ignore it. When they figure out that negative behavior doesn't work, they will try something else -- something that you can reward, praise, or encourage. And the opposite is also true...

Timeout is only effective if it is used properly -- one quiet minute for each year of age (must be consecutive) is just about perfect. It should be in a quiet area, just close enough to the rest of the family to make the child feel left out, and just far enough away that the rest of the family seems to be paying no attention to the timed-out child. Once the time has been served, the child may choose when to rejoin the family. Remember, you are teaching them to master their own emotions. Work yourself out of a job. Once they have self-control, a more complex response is called for (see the rule just above this one).

Discipline and punishment are NOT the same thing. Do the first one, not the second. I know, that way is so much harder, but do it anyway. The lesson is learned much better when the consequence is both tied to the crime and fits it. As in: If homework is forgotten at school, grounded for a month is much less effective than if you create some homework for the child that evening (once again the dictionary or the Bible are great sources for this.) If they have done something mean or disrespectful, a far more effective consequence is to do something nice for both the person they harmed and a stranger (perhaps filling boxes for Operation Christmas Child, volunteering at “Feed My Starving Children”, a Food Bank, or....).

You are NOT your child’s best friend. You are the parent. You set the rules and enforce them. Your primary job as a parent is to work yourself out of a job. When your children are grown (over 21 and out of your house) you can and should have a friendship with each of them. If you’ve done the previous rule with grace and love, this will come easily, if not, you must now do the extra work to correct this.

Your primary responsibility as a parent is to work yourself out of a job by mentoring your child into a well-adjusted, responsible adult. In other words, you teach, mentor, and guide them into being responsible and knowledgeable adults. If you aren’t doing this, you’re doing it wrong.

The Swedes say, “Friends double our joy and divide our grief”. Make and keep a few really dear friends. They will be ‘Moses’ hands’, and you will be Aaron or Hur to them as well. Also, make your family, your friends. That doesn’t apply to parenting (until your children are fully grown).